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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Corinna

I kept my brother in my life for years because he has a nice wife but all this constant lying has poisoned her. She never grew up with us and hardly knows me at all considering that they have been married 30 years or more. For the sake of peace and because she doesn't know me she taken his side. I would have been surprised if she hadn't. Brain washing. I will miss her but he has her so sure I'm a bad person that I have to let her go too. At least there are no kids and no other brothers or sisters.

I quit taking narcotic pain killers and flushed them down the toilet because I couldn't trust myself. I thought that was the only way to get away from him. Scary to think about it now. I haven't told many people this and I think I should have let it out. I will get closure now and I hope you do also. I was so afraid to open up because I thought people would think I was a freak but I don't feel like one any more. I feel like I can finally get on with my life.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

yes I'm just going to have to keep it as impersonal as i can. The only reason he's still in my life at all is not for him, it's for the rest of his family. His wife is a wonderful person and he has to beautiful daughters. I couldn't cut them out of my life.

I don't know. maybe he's changed over the years. I'd like it if I could talk about it. I don't think he even knows how much he's hurt me, or how much damage he's done to the family. Similar situation with him and my younger brother. He never told me about it, but he overdosed on some meds, and washed it down with booze and ended up in the hospital. that's when I figured out he was hurting as much as I was. He got to the point where he was having blackouts and he was afraid he'd pound somebody and not be able to stop.

After a few years of not even knowing if he's alive, I found him on facebook. He has now moved clear across the country. I'm the only one in the family he'll even talk to anymore. He called family services on my other brother, to check on the family. He's as worried as I am for my two little nieces.

I know I'm blabbing on a bit, but silence is killing me. I'm sick of hiding my real self and it's a lot easier to type things out, than to try and talk about it, getting all emotional and choked up. My family seems full of secrets.My mom seemed too concerned with having a perfect looking family, that she turned a blind eye to any ugly spots.

thanks for listening

~Corinna

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Lots of shared experience and advice here.

Can you treat it like a business deal, contracts and all? You don't want to get caught in the end not getting money? Can you really work with him on a daily basis? Look at other options and make an informed choice.

We are here to support you.

Josie, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Thank you Red.

I was starting to believe it was my fault since I'm the one with the mental problem. I think now that he is the reason I have the mental problem. I try not to whine about it because it sounds so impossible but if I don't talk about it, it will eat at me just like it is doing now. It is colouring my life and I hope it doesn't take for ever to get over. Just look at my posts from a while back, I was doing good. It doesn't help that it's winter and I really want to Garden. Enough of that! I have added peddling my exercycle to my list of to do everydays. It's good for the mind.

I just can't believe how right he can sound when I know how wrong he is. I CAN FIX THIS. With a little help from my friends and I do have friends don't I.

A some what sad Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

Good Morning Davit

Good Morning Cori J

I just wanted to let you both know I also have a brother that I have had to cut out of my life. My partner had to cut his sister out of his life also. She was very abusive and demanding and yelling and screaming on the phone all the time etc. etc.

My brother is a social path and almost ruined my family. After my mother died I called and talked to a counselor I knew through hospice and he agreed with me that the best thing for me to do was to end my relationship with my brother and that it was in my best interests to distance myself from him and anyone in his circle even my son if I had to. Social paths are very cunning and if allowed to will draw everyone in with them and that if my son was not strong enough he could be influenced and hurt by this person. My Brother. I have not spoken to my brother in 3 yrs and it is one of the best things I have ever done for myself in my life. I do not have to be abused by him and my partner does not have to be abused by his sister anymore. They do try to get to us periodically by calling our kids and stirring up trouble. What my dad used to call **** stirring. But our kids seem to be able to see the forest thru the trees now. I do still have nightmares about my brother and mother and all the trouble they caused in my family. I just wanted to post this to let you both know that you are not alone in this and that others out here also have problems with siblings.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Cori J

After 59 years of abuse I just disowned my brother and for a while had mixxed feelings but you can't imagine the relief. I thought I was the only one with a brother like that. Just so you know that even that you can get over. Could you just treat it like a business deal. I'm so sorry you have to do this. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better than that at least you know some one feels your pain.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

oh dear. It seems Murphy has it in for me. I have to choose between two situations that stress me out (and are triggers). My brother has offered me a job on the side helping him build his website. He was the main cause of the anxiety I suffered 6 or so years ago. I desperately need the money he's ready to hand me. My BF is off work due to an injury, so there's a lot of financial strain as well. that's another trigger. I know I need to take the opportunity for my family (BF and his son). It would take a lot of strain off me.

But if I do that, then I have to talk to him on a weekly basis probably. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face my demons yet. I can't talk to him about the past. He'll just deny anything ever happened. and I'm not sure if I can stand to be around him with that hanging between us.

I just don't know what to do, or who to talk to. How do you cope with a bad situation you're stuck in? I'm not a selfish person, so I find it near impossible to put my needs before my family's needs. Really, I couldn't care less if he fell of the face of the earth. He doesn't feel like much of a brother, just an enemy from the past better off forgotten.

Why does this job have to come from him, of all people? Curses Murphy! Leave me alone!

~Cori

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