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controversial / partners


16 years ago 0 23 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I sure will respond to this!
 
Let me first off say I have done everything backyards in my life!
I do not have my high school diploma.  I have many experiences that take me beyond it but I would like to finish it!
That being said, I had my first child when I was 19, then my second at 21.  My first child's father I am not with (and for darn good reasons) Then I met my hubby (we are not yet married but that is my nickname for him) when my daughter was 5 months and I was living back with my parents who were seperating and going bankrupt!  We moved into gother after only being with each other for 3 short months (he did not want a young girl with a baby living on her own).  He comes from a very respectible family and they have been so kind.  then after only being together for 7 months we had my second child.
After being together for 3 years we bought our curent house.
So after that long story, this past feb, we started having a rough patch.  I would just act as if I was not there and I felt we just were 2 people living in a house.  I didn't think it was bad it just needed some spcing up.  Well we ended up having a fight at 1:00am in the morning (I didn't mention that we never ever fight).  He told me there was a time when he did want to marry me but now he didn't and he thought maybe we should break up.  I was snow balled, where did all this come from.  I hated him and how could he do this to me when I was going through this. 
we worked things out and we try and lough a lot more.  I know it is frustrating to him when I don't want to do things i.e. go shopping for showers and stuff.  I try to do the things that are important, and he does see now that I am at least trying even if I do have set backs.
So I think what you were saying is that you had PA's and didn't relize your marraige was maybe one of the key problems. 
I once thought that I am so happy with my hubby and I wouldn't change him in for the world, but I do sometimes feel that we are missing something, maybe I am worng, I am an effectionit person, I love to cuddle, be told thank-you etc.  I need recognition I guess you could say. 
so maybe some our relationship needs to be a bit more two way for me to start with my healing, sometimes I feel like I want him to be there to help me and sometimes I want everyone out of my way and I will get through this myself.
hhmmm think I am starting to remble again :)
When all is said I think we as humans need each other as support and strength, to talk to each other without feeling like any idea is dumb, to grow old, and to accomplish life tasks as partners.  If you don't have that bond then what do you have.
16 years ago 0 823 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Sue f,   Welcome back and thank you for stimulating this discussion.   Your thoughts reflect an important factor which is that sometimes individuals who are in our lives in significant ways may not necessarily support or contribute to our happiness or sense of self-worth. As you said, it is amazing to see how much inner strength we do have. But making tough decisions is scary.........even if it is for our own happiness.   Members...........please add your thoughts and experiences.     Faryal, Health Educator
16 years ago 0 77 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I haven't been on this site for some time now, but as it was so helpful to me and I drew a lot of help from the programme and people who posted, I dip in from time to time to see if I can be of any use. I have a great feeling of debt for this site for the help at a  time when I thought my world had ended. So I've logged on and read quite a lot of the posts over the last month or so to see what names I recognised and what progress they're making, and it still amazes me just how much inner strength we all have. We may not realise this at the time, only looking back, but it is there. Equally important is that community help, a genuine concern for others that is sometimes lacking in the ' world out there '. And its from this viewpoint that I write, as I've noticed on quite a lot of threads just lots of little mentions, almost like an afterthought about my husband won't do this with me, or blames me, and so on. I suppose this subject is dear to me because when I was going through it I thought there was nothing wrong with my relationship, and there were other causes that initiated that first attack. It took me a long time to realise that my marriage wasn't as it should be and in fact contributed a lot to my anxiety, it took even longer to admit to it as that was very scary to admit to as it mean't I had to do something about it if I wanted to stay well.
So I don't write this to provoke, or to be controversial in any way, just to nudge I guess and ask if this could be an underlying cause for some, that they too don't really want to admit to. This is not in response to any particular post nor will I name those posts that made me think about writing this. I just feel its so important not to bury this under the carpet if this could be part of the problem, as I did, because for me if I hadn't tackled it, I'm not so sure I would be better today.
I hope I haven't offended anyone by writing this, that is definately not my intention, but more to provoke some challenging thought and hopefully discussion. As I said before I owe this site such a huge debt, if I could wave a magic wand and make everyone better I would !!! ( hope that doesn't sound patronising !!! )
If it is part of the problem, try to deal with it, and stay well !!
Discuss !!!

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