I too had a hard time with change. The fear when it was at it's worst seemed so much stronger to me than anything I could fight back with. Slowly though I became stronger, my voice got stronger and soon it was more of an equal playing field and that's when I was able to start really changing.
Yes it does come from you but you're right - some things are out of our control. That though is life... and you too can do this. Your journey is your own though and it may be a bit different than ours...everyones is unique - like us :)
Be patient with yourself and it's ok not to be perfect and it's ok to not be happy all the time... It's ok to just be. You'll find your way Caden and with all this wonderful insight and support you'll find what works for you... I didn't have an "aha" moment..instead one day I was just looking at things differently and wondered how it got to be....
This too will pass
DM
PS... I'm glad you like the book... I've barely had any for it with the kids / school and being so sick. I'm looking foward to being well again and having some "ME" time..LOL
I know you are right in your perception that there are a lot of situations out of our control.
To me it all comes down to the self- realization that I am only making myself feel worse and perpetuating the anxiety by fretting over them. Having said that I know the change has to come from me, but for me change is extremely hard.
I think your reflexion on this is great. I love how you descrive the bus thing. It is so true. I agree you can make a conscious decision to change this. Figuring this out changed my life! Once again thanks for the insights!
It's just another one of those day by day changes that you enforce.
If it only it were possible to sit down and MAKE yourself change your everyday perceptions towards fear, anxiety, stress etc.
In some respects, you can. You can sit down and MAKE yourself change how you deal with it in the future.
You can tell yourself that you will no longer allow yourself to allow stress to create panic.
That was the deciding factor for me. I consciously made the decision to stop fretting over the things in life that I cannot control. And I'm still working on it.
But the great thing is - you can see how you change as you work through it. Your conscious thoughts become your subconscious automatic thoughts.
The example I always use is the one where I'm waiting for the bus.
I used to fret if I was late and the bus was running late. I would worry about what my boss would say, what I would say to him, if he would believe me, how long it would take, etc etc etc.
But after I realised that situation is NOT something I can control - I made the conscious decision to STOP my pointless anxious behaviour and repeat to myself "My worrying will not make the bus get here faster. I cannot control transport. My boss will be fine. I have a valid excuse and I cannot help this situation."
After a while, it becomes automatic. I don't have to tell myself to stop worrying in that situation now. I have to do it for other situations, especially in work when I can tell I'm stressing about my workload. But that too will pass.
Hi Darkblue, You describe me to a tee. I've have always been an anxious person and I too never fully realized it untill the panic attacts started. Now if only I could change my perception.
Once again a great post! I identify with what you say. health anxiety is tough for me too. I challenge theose thoughts though and it helps! I also refuse myself the right to use the internet to learn about physical ailments lol!
Caden, hang in there. It gets better. I think you got great insight from DB. It gets better.
Perhaps you are the kind of person who has been anxious throughout life? An 'anxious person' - some would say.
If so, it can seem like you know nothing else, and really what happens with 'anxious people' is that they can only get so anxious before that anxiety builds or transfers into panic.
But it's possible to change. It's possible to 'reconfigure' your mindstate so that you are no longer an anxious person.
I never knew I was an 'anxious person' until I suffered from panic attacks. After that, I looked back and saw that, infact, I was. I was a worrier. I would worry about things outwith my control as if it would change it. I was suffering the affects of anxiety long before I had my first panic attack.
Changing your perception of worry is the way to overcome anxiety.
I really like darkblue's interpretation of this disorder.
Really gets you thinking, especially the part about:
"Some people are actually human! We can only take so much, and when we burnout, we have to recharge, regroup, rethink what it is we need to be doing - and live differently. And differently doesn't mean worse."
Funny though how other people (well - me) can look at this from another perspective, fighting it every step of the way & I'll have to admit really getting no where.
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