Hi again, I have a few questions here that are kind of jumbled in my head so I hope this makes sense. I've worked my way through to week four of the program so far... had a couple of really good weeks in between and am going through another rough patch at the moment. Not sure if this is hormonally related but it's starting to seem like my monthly cycle has something to do with my anxiety levels these days. But that's a whole different topic!
Anyway when I'm at my low points, where I feel derealized and the anxiety level is higher (whether or not a PA ensues), I get really withdrawn and irritable and weepy, and am unable to eat (feel nauseous and completely lose my appetite). This feeling lasts for not quite a week--5 or 6 days?--before I start feeling "normal" again for a couple of weeks. That's how the cycle seems to work so far (I'm new at this). My problem with that now is how do I explain it to my kids? They are 4 and 2, and the first time around I just told them mama was feeling sick and that I needed extra rest, etc. And then my husband/their dad steps in a lot more during those days when I find it difficult to handle basic daily tasks. But if this is to keep happening regularly, even if I am able to manage it, they will start to realize that maybe I'm not ok. I don't want them to worry, and especially my 4-year-old who has a great sensitivity to other people's feelings seems to be worried in general a lot more himself (germs, fire, loud noises, etc.).
What can you tell little ones who don't even know what anxiety is and who should be able to trust in their parents absolutely? I get so snappy and irritable at them when I'm like this, and I tell them mama's just having a bad day and I'm not mad at them, etc. but I don't want them to start seeing me as being so angry and unhappy. Since I've been feeling like this, I've made a point in telling them how much I love them, no matter what, and giving them more hugs and kisses, but I feel like even all that is just masking my fear and that they'll see through it.
On a side note, since this started for me I've had trouble answering questions for my ever-inquisitive four year old, like when he asks about what the sun is made of and how things decompose. I have been having trouble thinking about concepts that involve the life cycle of creatures and how immense the universe is without a huge surge in anxiety, so perhaps in a way answering his questions is like exposure practice for me?
Anyway, those of you who have little ones at home, I sure could use some pointers on being sure I can make my kids feel safe and how to explain it to them when I'm crying for seemingly no reason or sitting on the couch breathing deeply while they watch tv for waaaay too long. I do plan, of course, on continuing with the program, but I understand that while I may be able to manage my anxiety better as I encounter more of it, it may not necessarily ever just go away. I don't want my struggle to turn out to be their struggle.
