Hello Brenna,
Thank you for the reply and the tips! Your support means a lot.
Hello Miki,
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Thank you for sharing what is helping you with your anger and everything. I really do appreciate it. I really appreciate all your support. It is nice to know that this anger is ok, that I am not the only angry one. sorry to hear you had to go through that but it does make me feel better if youknow what I mean. Oh and thanks for the tips!
Hello CD,
Once again thank you for the reply. It was very reassuring reading that all this anger is normal and part of the grieving proces. In a way it made me feel very anxious and kinda nuts. I truely appreciate you sharing your experience with your grandma with me as it reasures me and makes it feel more ok. Sorry I seem to be bad with words tonight. I hate that the anger makes me feel so much more anxious. The sadness does too. I hate feeling more anxious. I hate feeling angry and sad and anxious and...You get my point. Thanks for letting me know that if this persists or if this comes back that it is normal. I find it reassuring in a way to know I am not going off my rockers. Part of me wants to expend the energy, like you said by doing things and the other part of me is just exhausted all the time and achy. I did do the dishes and take a walk and made lunches. Even breakfast for tomorrow is ready... As for screaming at you, I don't feel the need to scream at a friend who is there for me so much, but thanks for the offer lol. Huggles to you too and thank you again.
Tonight I just cannot seem to find sleep. I think I am anxious about going to bed. It seems this is going around. But let me start with my evening. As you know I had an angry evening. But some things really helped. My husband took me fr a walk. I told him how I was feeling ad that I was having a hard time. Told him I was just angry at the world. He said he would try not to take it personnally and he would cut me some slack and he did. The walk really helped me feel better. It took some of the edge off. Mostly I think telling my husband helped.
Then I made supper while my husband went to rent me a movie. I watched Miss Pettigrew lives for a day. Nice little movie! It helped relax me a whole lot. I like love stories. Then I read and watched t.v. My hubby fell asleep at his PC so I sent him to bed and made the breakfasts and lunches for tomorrow. Got tired halfway through the second round of dishes though. Al that seemed to help me and take some of the edge off.
But I am still angry. I feel like the world is just a wicked place. It is wicked and ugly and my cat is gone. I am hurt and feel angry at the whole world. I feel like I am choking on the anger. I am having weird and annoying new symptoms like tingly and itchy lips and tongue...I am dizzy... I am so angry. I am also sad. So sad. I miss my cat. He was my friend and companion for 15 years.
Today I found the kit I used to take his blood sugar readings for his diabetes... I just left it there. It knocked the wind out of me. I do not need it anymore and yet I could not hrow it out. I just left it there and avoided the whole thing. Just thinking about it makes me anxious.
I am afraid to go to bed. When I start relaxing and my mind is calming down that is when my grief ambushes me. It feels like gettiing hit really hard across the chest and stomach. The grief hits me so hard I double over and cannot breathe. It is often hard in the mornings when I wake up also. As such I am afraid to go to bed. And yet I crave sleep. In my sleep I can sometimes find peace. Sometimes I dream of him and it is like he is not gone. I miss him so much.
Sorry for rambling. It is 3:18 am atm and I am holding on. I am so angry and incredibly sad and scared and I am angry at a world that no longer includes him. I am angry at myself for not being able to take better care of him. I am angry.
I have a lump in my throat. My whole body aches. I am tired and terrified of going to sleep. Usually when I am anxious and have trouble sleeping I would cuddle with Oscar and he would purr me to sleep. What do I do now?
Oh my lord ! 
. It got rid of alot of my pent up energy and it truly helped me . Im so sorry your going through this , scream at me i can take it and understand why and wont take it personally honest !!!! Massive huggles to you .
, just fancied ago . Like i said to Diva music and work was my way of releasing my energy , you could dance or have a fitness cd in to release yours . Hugs to you as well my friend .
. And I am glad my gratitude was well expressed as it was well felt. Today, things are ok. Thank you for asking and again thank you for being here for me! It means so much!
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