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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Your so welcome . Im really pleased you have got the locket as well

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hey guys,

Thank you again for your support! It means so much to me. And yes, Miki, good point, I will keep my hubby updated

I really miss Oscar, but I am working hard on feeling better. When I have sadness fits and crying fits, I try to let myself live what I have to live and grive. But I do my best to do what I need to feel better.

I got ready for school. Tomorrow I have my first class. I also ate well today.

Yesterday, I bought a nice gold locket. It has silver flowers and leaves on it. It is small and discrete. I put a picture of Oscar in it on one side and a bit of the fur I had kept from him in the other. That way I feel like he is close to me. I am glad to have the locket already. This way Oscar will be with me on my first day of school. I miss him so much. I find peace though in memorials and rituals. Atm I feel sad and miss him teribly but I know I will be ok. Today was a pretty good day. I am exhausted but glad I managed what I did manage. I posted in the success colums.

I am pretty tired and have an early class so I really should go! Thank you all again!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hey Diva,

I can see the sparkles in your words. Don't forget to update you husband on how well you feel too.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1153

Diva,

You've been a wonderful source of support and encouragement to many members here. We're happy that you are starting to get over grieving your cats death and we hope that you can continue to move in this forward direction.

Keep motivating yourself and getting ready for Friday.

Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Just saying Hello Diva , Im so pleased its beginning to feel abit 'lighter' for you now .

. Short reply i know but have to pick girls up in a mo . First day back at school whoohoo .

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hello Miki,

Thank you for the lovely reply. I find much comfort in your words. I really appreciate your support so much! And you are right baby steps and one day at a time! Thanks for letting me know you see me getting better. It is good to have other people's perspective! Thank you again, I feel very moved atm. Hugs hun!

Hello Jhori,

Thanks for stopping in and giving me support. I so appreciate it! Thank you for giving me your perspective on my progress. I needed that! And thanks for the lovely complient, I am blushing and very touched by it.

Today, I feel hopeful.I woke up at 2 pm but hey that is 2 hours earlier then yesterday so there is progress! I ate healthily up to now, so progress there to. The dizziness is less and the lumpthroat is gone! I am going to post in my successes again. So all in all, I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

As for my husband we have had issues and have been at the brink of divorce a few times, but he really is a good sweet man and atm he is working very hard to help me and understand me. That goes a long way in helping tolerate the other stuff (i.e. gamer habits). I do love him a ot though and I know he loves me. The fact that I think he is very cute does not hurt either.

I had a rough patch yesterday night. I am feeling better today.

I did get some stuff done and intend to go back to do more, which is good for me atm. I did manage to get some major things settle. I have checked and I am officially enrolled in my classes. I have tackled the loans and bursary systems and am making good headway at fixing a problem that occured....So there went 2 hours of my day on the phone!I also have started getting my work contract done and spoke to my boss.

I am slowly getting ready for Friday!

Thank you guys for the support. I still grieve and miss him but I finally feel like I will overall be ok. I could not have gotten here without your support.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Vent all you need! With each post I see, I see more and more honest hope in your words (taking the good, understanding the bad). You're a pretty amazing person, Diva.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

I think you are really trying your best and that is all you need! It's only the beginning and the beginning is the toughest, but just keep holding on that hope, well, I know you will so I'm really not worried about you. It's just the time to grieve and you are doing such a great job at to move forward. It may seem like you're not going anywhere but suddenly you will realize your progress. I can see the difference from you since a few weeks ago. Just keep venting and try just the tiniest things one day at a time.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hello Breanne,

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement!

Hiya Miki,

Aww, thank you so much hun for your lovely reply. Hugs, that made me feel all warm and fuzzy!

Hello Gene,

Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate you sharing your experience with me! thank you for the lovely reflections and for the encouragement. It means a lot to me.

Well, I have been exhausted and I mean sleeping 12-14 hours a day exhausted for a few days. I find myself having crying fits here and there. I miss Oscar terribly. But I have been endeavouring to squeeze every little bit of happiness out of everyday as much as I could. Oscar would like that. He was such a happy cat.

I spent a lot of time with my husband who has been incredibly sweet to me. We have called a truce lately. It has been nice. He is very supportive of me lately. He stil plays a gazillion hours of video games everyday but he manages to give me attention and take care of me, so it is less annoying.

I had an episode on Sunday and felt the need to carry Oscar's urn to bed. I was panikcing and crying and my husband said it was ok. He said we will go shopping for a locket tomorrow to keep a picture of Oscar close to me all the time. I am thinking of putting some fur or ashes in also, not sure yet...

It really hits me hard sometimes. But I did want to say that I have also had good moments and am forseeing that I will be ok. I will post in the my latest success threads about this later.

As for the more anxious side of things, I have been managing to do well enough. Been having some major lumpthroat and dizzy spells since yesterday. When I find myself lifting my head to make room in my throat I remember the lumpthraot thread and it helps me keep things in perspective and kinda makes me chuckle. Also get some tension pains in the back and chest area. The chest pains always scare me a bit but I am challenging my thoughts and getting over it

Am in a weird vicious cycle where I feel sad and anxious during the day so I sleep all day then I feel anxious that I wasted my day and that I did not get anything done and I end up not sleeping well til earlyt in the morning so I get up late...Well sure you see where I am going with this. I think me being so sad is not helping either.

Another vicious cycle is the binge eating. I feel sad so I eat my feelings. I eat too much, then I feel anxious and can't breathe properly. Then it makes me sad. Then I eat.... Bleurgh!

I will get a handle on it though I always do.

I know I just spent three pages venting in this particular post but I did want to say that I am ok. I just had a really tough moment missing my cat not too long ago but I really am going to be ok. I just have to accept things as they are and give myself time. I know how to deal with this.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent some more.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Hi Diva

Work and school can be tough. My first panic attack happened soon after I signed up for a new job while also trying to finish my Master's Degree. I really didn't want to take the job. But the money was good and everybody was telling me about what great experience I would be getting. I felt trapped as the job was for an 8 month contract as a lecturer and my previous experience of lecturing was awful. I then had my first PA. The anxiety got much worse and I thought I cannot do this for eight months. I had to lecture at night, sometimes until 11 and this is in central Johannesburg- the crime capital of the world!

But when I began to lecture I really enjoyed it. Before I began fear of taking on all the responsibility again was intense but now I feel great about it. I only have a few more months to lecture and it really isn't one tenth as scary as thought it would be. I feel now like I have changed my entire perspective of lecturing and it no longer holds any trepidation for me. My Master's is also going ok and I can handle doing both at the same time.

Very few experiences are nearly a bad as perceive them to be. We can handle allot more than we give ourselves credit for. Our perceptions define how we experience everything in life. I am reminded of a tale told of the Buddha:

He was once walking with his disciples and they came across a dead and decaying dog. He began to weep. His students asked if they should remove the animal as they thought it had offended him. He then explained why he was crying. He was crying because he saw how beautiful the pearl colour of the dog's teeth were which brought him such joy that he was moved to tears.

Sorry to hear about your cat. My family have also lost two cats in the last month due to old age.

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