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Venting...


15 years ago 0 823 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Miki,   I know your husband is coming home today. Hopefully you both will get the opportunity to have a good heart-to-heart discussion and you can emphasize your love for him and that your life with him is very important and valuable to you. Please let us know how you are doing.   Stay positive but be patient also.   Faryal
15 years ago 0 2101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Miki,
 
I am glad to hear your hubby will be home soon. And you are right, you are doing and did all you can and you are strong and willl be fine. And as you said, once he cools down, things will get better. Remember to let him know you love him, i find that is always a good first step :)
 
Please let us know how things are with you.
15 years ago 0 477 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Diva, thanks for you input even when you are going through such a rough time.
 
Cornish Dee, thanks for reminding me. I really feel so much support from your loving words. 
 
Today I am doing a bit better. Tomorrow he will be home, I feel excited yet really worried, like I don't want to face it if it's bad. But I have decided to move on. I feel like I've done all that I can and I will keep doing what I can until I can, and yet, I will find who I am with or without him. I believe that he is still the person that I loved who is strong enough to surpass a situation like this so I've decided that when he has cooled down it will all fit in place. Thank you all for supporting me through to this and I will update on how it goes after tomorrow! Eeee!

15 years ago 0 778 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Miki , well i hope you are reading back what you wrote . Im so pleased and proud of you for driving and pratising , thats quite something you know . And we know how hard this is for you to do .
 
You are doing everything right atm , and still sounding postive which is nice to see . Maybe things will be better when you are actually face to face talking to your husband .
 
It must be torture but please try and remain postive and strong like you have been , wheres theres a light theres hope .
 
How are you doing today ? CD x
15 years ago 0 2101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I am sorry also that today I have nothing wise or remotely helpfu to say. I did want to let you know that I truely empathize with you.
15 years ago 0 477 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Everyone,
4 more days until my husband comes home so that we can have a decent, face to face, conversation. It is killing me every single minute. I realize I end up thinking about a life without him. I've been with him for 9 years and I never thought this day would come. I really want to be hopeful but all this wait and doing nothing and being alone until someone comes home from work just  KILLS ME!!!! I feel like I've lost all my friends because of my anxiety and I cannot believe that I am on the verge of loosing my husband. What would I do without him? But I must not give up. Must keep waiting.

15 years ago 0 477 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Diva,
Thanks so much for the reply. 
I attempted driving to the airport again and I didn't go into it this time, just before it I turned around since I wanted to avoid the traffic. Also, today's trip, I just took the local streets and it was loooong, but I'm still glad I did it.
 
I hurried home and wanted to write another email to my husband. Surprisingly, I received a response from him. He said he still can't get what I said out of his system. He also started to say things like I need to be able to do things on my own without him. Now that I think of it, I don't really know what he means since I've been living without him for almost a year now. But I guess this is not acceptable to him. I replied to him that maybe there are other things that are bothering him, since he seems really really really unable to let it go. But I guess, I'm just starting to be really impatient. I've become really afraid again after replying to him. I felt like how much this sucks... and I thought of how much I wish I never changed into having anxiety, because now I know the truth that my husband may not be as strong or as understanding as I thought. I realize how I end up asking "will he ever forgive me?" when I'm not thinking about it and I have to hold my breath and say yes he will. This is such torture. 

15 years ago 0 2101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Miki,
 
First I would like to congratulate you on driving to the airport. Woohoo way to go! I am super impressed. And you even gave the freeay two tries! Amazing! Once again congratulations.
 
As for the situation with your husband, I am glad to see you feeling hopeful. Hang in there. You told him you love him and I am sure that will go a long way. As for him not replying, well I know my husband often needs more time to process his feelings and such than I do, your husband might just be the same.
 
Anyway, Let us know how you are!
15 years ago 0 477 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Everyone,
Thank you so much for the love, support, and replies! 
Yesterday, I managed to call him. He still sounds upset... especially because I seemed to have woke him up. I told him that I love him and that I will pick him up from the airport when he returns. He didn't have too much of a response, but it's ok.
 
So today I went to practice driving to the airport. I went on the freeway for the first time in almost 10 months!!! I was really nervous and ended up coming out of it and taking the local streets all the way to the airport, which took me 30+ minutes! But I did it, I was sooo proud of myself and I was excited. Then on the way back, I tried to ride the freeway again yet this time, I started to panic and it was pretty scary. I rushed off the exit with the hazard lamp but as soon as I got off my panic disappeared. I drove back to home on the local streets. I am going to try this every day until he comes home.
 
I also wrote him an email yesterday and today. He hasn't replied but I'm just going to keep writing him. My hopes are way up and that's all that matters to me right now. 
 
Thanks again for all the love and support. You guys are the best. 

15 years ago 0 778 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Miki  , im giving out hugs left right and center today and i mean every one of them . Ok being the outsider here i can how hard you have thought about this and are beating yourself up . Try not to be so hard on yourself , not easy i know . If you want to scream then come here and let it out ! You already know it will take time , and a whole lot of patience . When i get my thinking cap on i will try and think of little things you can do . Maybe someone else can help out here ! Getting through each is the main focus , well it is in my case . Baby steps all the way to make you strong again .
 
Take care Miki CD XX

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