I was actually with the doctor yesterday for a prescription and I mentioned it to her, she recommended walks, yoga and meditation! There is a lot going on at the moment but nothing more than usual. I live alone- my housemate is working in a different part of the country mon-fri. I have a dog, so I'm not really on my own! Had her for 13 years and she's on her last legs! I started a new job 4 months ago, I love it but there's a lot to learn and a lot of on the spot questions that I don't like! I had 2 law exams in May and they lost the result of one of them, I've two more exams to sit in September and I don't understand the topics at all! My sister has been living in London for the past two years and is moving home in 4 weeks so I need to rearrange the bedrooms. In the process of doing that, I found a lot of old diary's that were quite strange to read! It's peculiar to read something about how you felt 5,6,7 years ago! I've been missing my mam quite a lot lately as well, she died 6 years ago. I went through a patch of anxiety/depression then but there was also college, work and my dad fighting my sister and I over the will. So this is nothing compared to that!
I have so much to do and I have been asking for help for the past few weeks but it just seems to be empty promises so I know now that its all going to fall on my shoulders. The cutting and drinking is a huge signal that I can't cope at the moment, I recognise that, and I am trying to stay away from doing that. The problem is that when I'm paniced, I'm useless! I don't get anything done, time gets shorter and I have more and more things to do which is making it worse.
There's really no one who I can ask for help, although it does help to write all this down and get it off my chest. I know how paralysing this can be, I've been there before and I just want to do a u-turn and try stay calm and deal with things. just to let you know, I tend to rant!
