Hello,
I am writing to you all to ask you for a viewpoint. I have dealt with this all my life, but it has happened so often lately that I needed to seek help.
I have always had a problem with dealing with authority figures, from teachers to parents. I can't stand to be the center of attention
for a bad reason. I got in trouble in school one time and it took me months to get over the anxiety i felt from it. I can't say why I felt
that anxiety, was it the fear of letting people down? I'm not sure, all I know is that I struggled with that feeling you get in your gut when
something just isn't right.
When someone above me has essentially gotten mad at me for something, i instantly clam up, and get extremely cold, and shake.
Its very difficult to deal with, because when I am confronted I look like an idiot because I begin to shake and I can't respond. From
friends to girlfriends to parents, I feel this way.
I had gotten by with this for so long by just staying quiet and out of trouble. But right now, I guess maybe I set myself up for this by dating
someone where I volunteer. There is always a lot of gossip about everyone and its really hard for me to handle it. It caused our
relationship to take a downward turn and now we are trying to work things out but are barely speaking. As if a relationship issue isn't
enough for someone like me with a weak stomach, I hear things from people all the time. And then to top it off I made a mistake
while working and was reprimanded by a friend of mine (in a position of power). I have been so overcome with anxiety from these things happening that
I have spent the past 24 hours just in a knot, barely slept, and just laid in bed watching tv all day (a day off thankfully).
Its kind of hard for me to express myself, I have some trouble communicating, I never developed the skill cause I never told anyone
anything for such a long time growing up out of fear of being judged. So if you have trouble following, just ask me a question.
I came to this board cause I felt anxiety. Is this anxiety/panic? Or do I just need to suck it up? Some people would say this is not the
end of the world and I shouldn't care what people think, but its really bothering me.
Thanks for listening