Sue, It's great to hear that you have started to sort out some the problems you were having. Have you started to make some small goals to achieve to preparing yourself for working? Brenna, Bilingual Support Specialist

Hi! Well I am glad to see things are turning up! As for whatever else needs o be solved I am sure you can do it :) Hope to hear more news from you :) -Diva

Thanks, Diva. ;) I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. After four days of a miserable head cold I caught from my relatives on Thanksgiving, I am now starting to feel much more like myself again. Best of all, I completed my consolidation loan application this evening and will have it in the mail tomorrow. If it goes through, I can look forward to much smaller monthly payments that I will hopefully be able to figure out how to pay. Maybe I can start selling some of my old doll collection on Ebay or something. The woman from the collection agency was incredibly helpful and walked me through the whole application. Who knew those people could be so nice? :)

Hiya Sue, Sorry for the late reply. I just wanted to say I am glad to see you seem to be feeling a bit better. I am glad you came here to vent when you needed to. I sure find venting usefull too. Ithelps get some of it out of my system. If you feel the need to vent some more, please come back to chat with us :) Keep us posted :) -Diva

Brenna, thanks for the welcome, but actually I've been coming here off and on for a few years now. I don't post very often because I when I'm feeling good I tend to forget to stop in. Trust me, I've had plenty of opportunity to get familiar with my agoraphobia. I guess I was posting in the wrong place or chose the wrong words for my title, because I think I've been misunderstood. I don't suffer from depression, although I've had short term bouts of it (5-10 days, usually when I'm premenstrual) in years past so I do know how it feels. I'm actually pretty cheerful most of the time. I know I'm not in a place yet to try for a job, but I am in a much better place than I was a few years ago and I know I'm slowly progressing. I was simply very upset Wednesday night. I felt desperate in that I couldn't think of a single way out of my problem, and there's nobody I can turn to here because they've all got their own troubles to deal with. Add to that the stress of preparing for Thanksgiving. In America you only qualify for disability if you have a certain number of work credits saved up. Since I've been out of work for 7 years, I've lost some of the credits I had and now no longer qualify for government assistance. In America we also don't get free medical care, at least not any that's worth anything. Meanwhile, I've been checking on the net and was reminded about student loan consolidations. I think one of the people who called me about my loan a week ago mentioned that I may be eligible for this. She's supposed to call back in a few days, so hopefully I can find out more about it. I think it could bring my payments way down and that would be easier to deal with, plus it would keep my credit from getting any worse. I don't know why that other lady from Sallie Mae didn't mention it as an option. Anyway, thanks to everyone for trying to help. Like I said, I just needed to vent because I hate when something's got me freaked and there's nobody I can tell about it. I felt better once I had done my online research and Thanksgiving was underway.

Hi Sue, Thanks for sharing your story with us. Maria had some great suggestions for some of the problems you're facing. How are things going on that end? While I know this is probably not your #1 priority, I'd really recommend this program to you. It can really help and put you back in the driver's seat of your life

Hi Sue, sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. It is apparent that things are closing in on you and your feeling overwhelmed by circumstances. First and most important is that your reach out to the medical community and get help for your deppression. I don't know where you love but if it's in Canada, there is no fee for doctors anad your family doctor can connect you with a resource that will work with you around your deppression, agoraphobia and panic. Therapists that have a strong knowledge of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are ideal, in my opinion, as they provide concrete ways of dealing with above. You should also get in touch with a public run Credit Counsel in your area. Aslo, get in touch with the disiblilty office and find out what you can do and how you activate some options. Right now it sounds like the depression is getting the better of you and trying to convince you that you have no options. This is simply not true. It's the fear and depression talking. Go on line and google some financial institutes and counselling resources, there are free options out there. In Toronto you type in at google "211" and type in your needs adn it will list agencies you can access. At the very least access your family doctor and/or the disibility office. Please hang on as you can absolutley get through this. Let us know how it goes.

Sue, Welcome to our support community and thank you for sharing your story with us. We encourage you to work through the program and become more familiar with your agoraphobia. You will find some great tools in the program and great support from our members. We also have a sister site if you are dealing with depression, The Depression Center ([url=http://www.depressioncenter.net/]http://www.depressioncenter.net/[/url]) that offers great support and advice on how to overcome your sad feeling. Brenna, Bilingual Support Specialist

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this, but I'm just feeling sad and a bit desperate and I need a place to vent. There is nobody in my life I can talk to about my problems, so I came here where I'll probably be better understood anyway. I've been unable to work for the past 7 years due to my struggle with agoraphobia and one psychosomatic symptom after another. The first 5 years were the worst, when I was incapable of going anywhere farther than my own yard without struggling with panic. The past couple of years I've been slowly getting better at walking around my neighborhood and to the closest stores. Trouble is, in the meantime my student loans have become a huge problem. I was able to apply for a forebearance for 5 years, but now I've used up that option. I have no money left, and have basically been living off my mother's kindness. She even made a few loan payments for me last spring, but she couldn't afford to keep that up because she had some expensive dental bills to deal with. Today I got a call from Sallie Mae letting me know that if I can't make a payment immediately I'll be declared in default. The woman was sympathetic to my problem but couldn't think of any options left for me other than finding some money somewhere to make a payment. She wanted to warn me that once I'm in default things will get really bad for me. I'm so miserable right now. Here I've been trying to get my mother to be more positive about the upcoming holidays and now I'm having to force a smile so nobody will know I'm in trouble. My mother's been battling high blood pressure and I don't want to do anything that will cause her anxiety. Even if I could think of a job to apply for that I could actually handle, it would be a miracle if I made it through an interview and actually landed a job. Then I'm not even sure if there's time for me to wait for a first paycheck before they declare me in default. She made it sound like it could happen any minute. The last time I talked to Sallie Mae they said they could forgive the debt if I was incapable of ever working again. I never applied for disability because I didn't want to tell myself I'd never be able to work again. Plus, it would've required a doctor's verification and I can't afford a doctor. In any event it's too late now. I've waited so long that I no longer have enough credits with Social Security to collect any disability. I'm at the point where I'm starting to think I shouldn't have gone to college. It was a rich kid's luxury I had no business indulging in. I've already forgotten most of what I learned, and the degree never paid off. I feel sad saying that because it was the only time in my life when I was away from home and felt independent, even if it was very stressful. I just want to cry, but I can't because I'd have to explain myself to my mother. Thanks for letting me vent. :(