Thanks Samanthat and thanks isabella :)
Well Isabelle by acting out i mean acting like a complete Spazz. I do things almost compulsively and obsessively to reduce my anxiety. But since those things are just really dumb and stupid, then i feel stupid and dumb and guilty. then i try to fix it but i make it worse! and then try to fix some more... You get the point. Then the more spazzy i am and feel the more anxious i am and the more spazzy i get. I do things that alienate people and things that make no sense. things that are completely out of caracter for me. This is not something i did today but i will give you an example to explain!
I see a cool vaccum for throw rugs on t.v. so even tho i am broke i buy it cause i think i just need it! Then i realize i have no throw rugs! So i feel dumb stupid and guilty. So i go on the web and order a few throw rugs that i can't afford. Then i realize how stupid that is but i just can't undo it so i feel guilty and stupid. Then i am feeling so anxious that i call up a friend at work. She takes 5 minutes to talk to me but she tells me she is busy. But i end up calling her 7 times till she is angry with me. So then i send her 10 e-mails to say i am sorry! and can you see where this is going?
And all this is well obsessive and compulsive. I can't stop thinking about it and i can't stop myself from doing it.! Then when i figure out oh ,y! I am spazzing out! what is wrong with me. I take time to think and find the root of my anxiety well theni can start controlling myself.
Well today was not based on shopping or money at all but i was still fantastically spazztic until i realized i was being a spazz. Then i asked myself why am i being a spazz. Answer: because i am anxious of course. And why am I anxious: because i have an exam on Friday, So what can i do to feel less anxious: Deep breaths and studying so i feel ready. So that is what i did. I studied and i do feel a bit better now. But i still feel stupid and sorry and all that for having spazzed out for hmmm let's see 7 hours today! Everything i did was out of caracter and i coulnd't stop it till i stopped it if that makes any sense. Now i am still anxious but at least i am back to acting like myself. well, i think i am lol Anyway, i will go read a bit and go to bed.