Hello Claire well you came to the right place here for support. We can all sympathize with you here. We know what you are going through and how bad it can get. We also know that all the little successes are very importnat and will all be very happy to cheer you on!
I personnally can sympathize with you. I have been dealing on and off with Generalized anxiety disorder and Panic attacks among other things for over 15 years. I was doing very well till lately. Last december i had a relapse and i have been working my way out of it since. But i notice little positive changes here and there in my life. I see a therapist and i have been working the program here since i joined on the 8th. Hang in there it will get better and you will get back to feeling like yourself.
As for the meds thing, dont beat yourself up. I had funtionned for years without meds and now i am back on them. I struggled with this too at first. But now the way i see it is that i am just helping my body gain back its equilibrium until i can get my life back to where i want to be. If i was taking insuline to help with my blood sugar equilibrium i wouldnt feel ashamed, so there is no need to feel ashamed here either. I hope you will not be so hard on yourself.
Anyway, welcome Claire and you have come to the right place to ask questions, get support and some hearfelt cheering for your sucessses :)
-Diva