Foxman, I like what you say about the deep realization that we’re not like others. I had trouble with that my first time in AA. I told myself I wasn’t like the others because frankly, I hadn’t lost as much as they had. The truth is, I was only a step away from complete devastation. I was spared. My life was spared, my family was spared and I thank god every day for that. I lied to others, I lied to myself. No more lying for me. If I drink again, it will not be because I think a can handle it, it will be because I lied to myself again and let my guard down. I know that this is typical for us alcoholics and there will always be those that have lost more, or behaved worse than I have ( although that one I would challenge!) but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I heard my daughter on an alateen meeting one eve and it brought me to my knees. I will never make my kids suffer like that again. I know I have damaged them and I can’t take it back but I am determined to let them be sure that they can rely on me forever, to be there for them, to be honest with them and to say no to drinking every day for their lifetimes. We have all done horrible things when drunk but that fact will never repair how my girls and their mum have been hurt. I’m so thankful I can see this now. I don’t know where my head was a few months ago. I’m past the excuses and blame. Fox man and others, can you tell some things you’ve done on a practical level to help stay sober? I want to ensure that I’m not missing anything obvious. One thing I plan to do this summer is to only attend cook outs with people who I would not drink with, basically people that know I have a problem. Another day sober!
John
GusA @ Mar 20, 2021 12:16:04 PM
Hey Foxman,
Thanks for the input. I am not bought in 100 percent on all of AA. But I do find parts of it helpful for me.
The internal thinking (or lack of thinking) is what I have to focus on and make sure I manage properly. If I manage my thinking correctly, I wont drink. I know this to be true, as it worked for me for almost 3 years in the past.
I don't know if all people who have problems with drinking can focus on this as a solution, but this is what I need to pay attention to. This works for me.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Gus
I encourage you to find the truth. When you say it worked for you last 3 years. but finally it gave in. Thats the point the book is trying to illustrate. The book talks about hard drinkers. They can party like hell, but when it comes to health, or partners threatening them to leave the book says they can leave it or moderate drinking. Then we have the alcoholics. Who need little bit more. Spiritual awakening. A shift in attitude and conscious effort to overcome the spiritual malady. The first step in recovery is that deep realization that we are different from other drinkers. And taking a genuine effort to lead a life without alcohol. That by the way is a by-product of the work we undertake.
John and Gus,
Congratulations to you both. Keep on keeping on!
Lynn
Hey Foxman,
Thanks for the input. I am not bought in 100 percent on all of AA. But I do find parts of it helpful for me.
The internal thinking (or lack of thinking) is what I have to focus on and make sure I manage properly. If I manage my thinking correctly, I wont drink. I know this to be true, as it worked for me for almost 3 years in the past.
I don't know if all people who have problems with drinking can focus on this as a solution, but this is what I need to pay attention to. This works for me.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Gus
GusA @ Mar 19, 2021 11:14:49 AM
AA members tell the new people to "play the tape forward" all the time.
Guys, great job on 3 weeks. I too was impressed with these cliches, sounded very honest and doable. But after a while, I came to understand if I am alcoholic and I dont take care of my internal conditions (being restless, irritable, discontented, you can add other maladies) the obsession to drink returns and i take that first drink. Bear in mind, there are several members in AA dont subscribe to what is in the book. Pick up the book and find for yourself. In the past, what happened prior to going back out.
The book talks about "We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
Note sure if you were around, when one of the members bought Vodka and proudly said they dumped in the trash can? A few days later, they came back and posted that they took the bottle out and drank it? I am just quoting the incident to highlight the above statement. And in the book too there are some few stories to illustrate that in the chapter "More about alcoholism".
There are some good workshops on youtube on the big book, you can pick one of them and listen to one of those workshops.
Thanks for that plan Ashley. I have a similar one in my head. Somewhat different because it’s not always possible to leave a situation or trigger. At work, there are challenging people that I have to work with. At home, there are teens I love my kids but there are heavy conversations sometimes and I refuse to walk away from my girls just because they’re hard to reason with sometimes. That burden has fallen on their mum too often while I wasn’t lucid enough to speak in full sentences. You get the picture. I talked to my therapist about this and he helped me realize that anything can be a trigger for me, it just depends on how much I want a drink. If I want to drink, I’ll find any excuse. The best way he has helped is to deal with any stress in a healthy way. Breathe, be calm, find humor in the situation! Honestly, many times after being sober and I drank again weren’t times when I actually thought I wanted a drink, it’s almost as if I thought of it, then I’m at the store in the line. Like Gus said, I’m not sure that I crave it but I guess if I end up drinking, I must have wanted it. As for family counseling Ashley, I’m not sure I can do that just yet. It’s very difficult to face the anxiety that my drinking has caused for my family. I understand now why it’s called a family disease. It changes people.I have talked to them about it somewhat but I will admit that I have a lot of fear around that. I don’t want to hear what they’ve seen. I realize that’s not fair. I hope I can get there soon. I liked your advice though, about being patient. I know it will take time to regain their trust and I fully plan to.
Congratulations Gus ! You sound like you’re doing awesome. Thanks for the advice, I use that all the time. I can’t remember the worst times, but I can remember the next day, how devastated I felt and how sad and angry my family looked. I use that to stop myself.
John
Hey everyone,
I am almost finished week 3, and a month is on the horizon. Im feeling really good physically and mentally.
I attend AA meetings online periodically. I find they are good for reminding me on how bad this can get. The long term AA members tell the new people to "play the tape forward" all the time. In other words, picture what happens after the drinking goes bad before you ever take that drink. That solid advice. I have another friend who does not attend AA. he quit two years ago, and thats what he does. Every time he has a thought to drink, he jumps right over to how bad it got for him in the past.
I had little or no urge to drink. I thought about it once, but it was just a thought. It was not an urge. I don't know if they are different or not? The thought floated through my mind, and I said to myself, ' Yea its a thought. Only a thought.'
Also, I had my first drinking dream. I dreamt I was at a liquor store, agonizing over how much to buy, how would I hide it, how much would I dink, and all the other crap that goes along with problem drinking. What a relief to wake up from that! It seems like when I stop drinking, I periodically get those dreams.
Does anyone else experience these dreams? Are they common?
Thanks
Gus
Hi Gus,
I am glad you had a good day yesterday. That is amazing you did not have the urge to drink!
Interesting about niacin. I cannot give you advice on what supplements or medications to take. It is always best to talk to your doctor about these types of questions. I do know that individuals who drink too much alcohol often have vitamin deficiencies, with B vitamins being the most common deficiency. Considering this, I think it would be worthwhile to talk to your doctor about niacin.
Enjoy your hangover free day!?
Ashley
Hey everyone,
Had a good St Paddy's. Attended an online "party" with some friends. Had a great time. Not drinking. Just played a few Irish tunes and laughed. I felt no urge or pressure to drink at all.
Ashley, I have a question for you, as the professional on here. Is there any supporting evidence that Niacin helps when people are trying to stay away from alcohol? I have read lots of supportive material. However, on the internet you can search anything and find that it helps something. hard to judge the accuracy of some of he materials.
John, I hope your having a good week too.
Gus
Hi John,
I have been following your posts. I am very glad you found us. It sounds like you really want to be alcohol free, we can help support you to reach those goals. I am glad you are posting often. That will help.
To answer your question. Having an emergency coping plan in place before you get the urge to drink is a great idea. You can have many coping strategies in your tool box. Here is the emergency coping plan that can be found on page six of the difficulties chapter:
At some point, and sometimes "out of the blue", you'll be faced with situations that will trigger the urge to relapse or slip. We call these high-risk situations, which can be caused by triggers. Review this Emergency Coping Plan to help you deal with these situations. If you feel the urge, or are tempted to slip:
AVOID the situation. Identify the situations as one in which you'd be tempted to drink. For most, high-risk situations are times of the day, activities, emotions or even people that tempt you to drink or remind you of drinking. Plan how you'll avoid these situations. Plan for alternate activities.
LEAVE the situation. If you find yourself in a high-risk situation, leave immediately or contact someone who can help you.
DISTRACT yourself from cravings. If you find yourself in a situation you can't leave and you get a craving, distract yourself from the craving by:
Thinking about something else, like your Coping Plan or Reward Plan or perhaps how the progress you've made or how your body is healing itself.
Do something else to distract yourself. Try drinking water or deep breathing exercises.
Thinking about an upcoming event in your life, such as a vacation.
DELAY acting on the craving If you can't keep your mind off the craving, then make a deal with yourself that you'll wait 15 minutes before you give into the craving. The craving will usually pass in a couple of minutes anyway. If you keep delaying, the craving will go away.
Use SELF TALK A craving may be accompanied by negative thoughts about your ability to resist it. Use positive self-talk statements to combat your negative thoughts.
We encourage you to print this document and keep it somewhere handy (such as in your purse, on your fridge, in your wallet, gym bag or desk drawer).
I hope this helped. Please let us know what you decide to include in your plan.
Looking forward to reading more from you soon,
Ashley
