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I'm just doing so bad.....


19 years ago 0 295 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi David im glad today was a bit easier on you.It can be tough at times but we get there.I have read that the depersonalization happens when our mind/body needs a rest from all the anxiety/panic so take more time to relax and see if that helps with those feelings i have had it a few times and it can be very uncomfortable i have had to 'sleep it off' when ive had it. I bought a 6 string accoustic today and a couple of learners manuals, i'll see how i go trying to teach myself,the guy at the shop where i bought it offered to give me lessons if i want to.Have you been playing much lately i suppose planning your wedding has kept you pretty busy.Anyhow i hope tomorrow is even better for you. Lulu..
19 years ago 0 69 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lulu, I made it through another day at work. I was proud of myself. It's weird, but I was mostly fine in the morning. I did take a valium as a precaution. Then right after or as I ate lunch, I began to feel anxious. This was around 2 p.m. I had to take another one and then a half. I was calm the rest of the day. Our wedding is 3 days away from tomorrow. It seems so far away. We went shopping for most of the food tonight for the wedding. We are doing most of it ourselves. I have had a bit of disconnection or as some people call it, depersonalization. It's an odd thing. I have heard some mention here that they get it. I've had it on and off for 2 decades. Mostly off. Well, I better do some stretching and get to bed. Thanks for the encouragement. David
19 years ago 0 295 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
David im glad to read your feeling a bit better.There is nothing to be embarrassed about you did what you had to do.See how things go with the meds but just remember youve had a lot of changes lately so your anxiety is going to be higher which means it will take less for you to have panics.Take your time through this and you will be ok and if i dont get a chance to talk to you before your wedding day goodluck you will be fine i have faith in you :) Lulu..
19 years ago 0 69 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi lulu. I am a bit better now. I was scheduled to work my second job, but I called in. I felt really embarrassed by the whole thing. My fiance came over for a bit. This time next week we'll be married. Sounds londa weird. LOL. I also spoke with a friend who has similar issues to mine and she helped me feel better as well. I cried a bunch today. It is typical that my panic and anxiety/depression/OCD would flair up at this time. My doctor upped the meds I was on for about 7-10 days. He said the elavil I was given may be causing more anxiety than preventing. Triavil, which he increased, helps with lessening bad thoughts. I am going to turn in early tonight. I need to make a good impression at work tomorrow so a good rest should do the trick. I hate the morbid thoughts, but they just seem to come when we least expect them to. Thanks again, David
19 years ago 0 295 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey David take time to calm down and relax go for a hot/cold shower, play your guitar for a bit,call someone on the phone that you can trust with your feelings anything to occupy your mind of those horrid obsessive thoughts that we know all too well.You know while you are living in fear of dying you are not living at all just existing and you deserve so much more my friend think of the life that you want the things you want to do and make the most of what time you have here. Its natural for your anxiety to be high while preparing to get married just much worse for people with panic/anxiety have a talk with your fiance about how your feeling she might be just as anxious or she may be able to reassure you, just know you will be ok at the end of the day,it may not feel like it at the moment but you will be ok. If nothing else helps keep posting here and we can help you through the rest of the day.Please take care. Lulu.. :)
19 years ago 0 69 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I had a bad relapse today. OCD is VERY HIGH. I had to leave my job 2 hours early today because I was having a panic attack. I get these obsessive thoughts and they only seem to be getting worse. I felt so embarrassed that I could not make it through the entire day. The main obsessive thought I have now is fear of dying. I was conquering it for a while and then it comes back really hard at you. Like with all obssesive thinking, this one could and did get out of hand and I had to make up a story that I felt nauseous. I came home and cried most of the way home and have been here ever since. I am getting married in 4 days and I can't even make it through a day of work? I just need to share, but I will take any advice anyone has. David
19 years ago 0 295 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi David, Wow only 9 days to go till your wedding how exciting.Im sure everything will work out great for you as you said you have had alot of changes in the past few months which im sure would explain alot of your anxiety/panic so dont be too hard on yourself you will get through this.Sometimes its neccessary to up the meds ive had a few changes with mine and im doing really well i havnt had a major panic in a few weeks now so thats great i have alot of near panics but im able to talk myself round and if i must leave wherever i am then i give myself permission to instead of fighting it and generally i calm down.Good news is i havnt let it get me yet ;) My biggest issue now is the obsessive thoughts if i could learn to just not think at all that would be great but i suppose one thing at a time.I hope you feel better soon David.Happy thoughts :) Lulu..
19 years ago 0 69 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Lulu. It's been a few days or weeks since we chatted. I visited my MD yesterday and have upped my amytripulin. I had a nasty panic attack last Wednesday and almost had another tonight. I've been having obsessive thoughts and I finally gave in to up my meds. I have tried the natural remedies, and with some luck. But when you have an active mind like mine, it's sometimes neccesary to have a crutch to help you along. I've been taking diazepam too much and need something that's not going to cause me to become drousy or lazy. I will now be taking 50 mg of amytripulin. I was on 25. Obsessive thoughts really can be uncomfortable and unwelcome, as you know full well. My wedding is in about 9 days. I feel like I may crack sometimes, but I know once it finally comes, I will be a lot more relaxed and ready to continue enjoying the company of my future wife. I look at it this way: I proposed marriage, moved, changed jobs and am getting married. Is there any reason I might be having anxiety? LOL. I thought it would help for me to end on a funny note. I am so glad you seem to be feeling well. Take care, DR
19 years ago 0 295 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Poker chips how are you feeling now? When you see your counsellors do you do CBT or is it more a talking session? I have found CBT a huge help for me it helps to see the thoughts that you have are unrealistic and i have found it helps my OCD also it is hard but i feel like i have my life back now.In June of last year i was diagnosed with OCD/agoraphobia/panic disorder and depression now i feel almost back to 'normal'I still have moments but i can go out and although i feel afraid still i can do what needs to be done and then some i even went out on New Years Eve so i think if i can do it anyone can.Goodluck. Lulu..
19 years ago 0 69 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
This is an add on to my last post. Everytime I feel my OCD getting worse, I try and think of funny stuff. If this does not work, I try and just keep busy. I used to get OCD where I'd get a song stuck in my head. As a teen I'd get the same song stuck in my head and try and replace it with another. The obvious thing would be for the new song to get stuck in my head. So that gets old after a while. About the worst OCD feeling I can get is the one about being afraid to die. Lately my OCD has been turning to panic. That's when I often need a diazepam. It does the trick for a while. I have a feeling a lot of what we're feeling right now is Winter blues. But it's easy for me to say since I know it happens to me every year. OK, I hope I have at least helped a little. I had extra time tonight and wanted to see who I can help while being helped at the same time. Thanks...

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