I was talking to my son last night and he was telling me his sisters are going to Al-Anon and they cry and it just broke my mother's heart. He never says anything but last night he said " I know you have been drinking tonight. It is not because I never say anything that I do not know" . Ouch!! It hurts.
I am minding myself to stop again... for good. Very soon. I realize I am not only hurting myself but I am also hurting people I love and it is not right.
The meeting with the client went well but I did have a few drinks before going. This was stupid because I do not need to drink before meeting clients. I guess I just got bored and tried to kill time with drinking.... I am working every evening this coming week. I will have to be on my guard
I did think about detox centre for a while but being self employed and without insurance I cannot afford to go away for so long. Yesterday, I drank more than one bottle, I even drive my car after a few glasses. I hate when I do this. I just forget I could have to go to jail if I get arrested... again.
I have clients to see tonight and I made up my mind I was not going to drink even if the cravings become too harsh. One day at the time. Again.
Sorry to hear the last few days did not go as you wanted. In another thread you mentioned that you were no longer in denial. I see that as an accomplishment. It also seems that you are becoming more aware of some of the negative affects on alcohol on your body. Getting back on track is no easy task. Use your accomplishments to keep you moving in the right direction. I hope today has been better for you.
Hors, may be you can look into detoxification option if you have insurance. Under supervised care, you can relax and look at your options. In fact the Doctors Opinion talks about it. You are in a phase where craving/obsession has taken over, it takes deep perseverance to come out of it.
Did not go too well. The only thing I managed was not starting to drink before 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Yesterday I started earlier and my daughter noticed it while we were talking on the phone.
I already see all the bad about drinking. My hot flashes are back, I do not sleep as well, my energy level is down as well as my bank account .
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