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4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Thank you Foxman,

I will look where I can buy it. In the mean time, Living Sober gives me reflexion matter and tricks to be on my guard when my big day comes. I have another book call the 12 steps and traditions. Is it what you call the big book?

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Hors contole,

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big book) is the basic text. Thats the book you want to read and understand what they really mean by powerless and un-manageability. Living sober is a easy read, nothing concrete about how to recover. The first few chapter of the big book especially "More about alcoholism" go deep into how the alcoholic mind operates. If you are an alcoholic, you will relate to those short stories in that chapter. The use the phrase "peculiar mental twist" that precedes every drinking spree.

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Hi everyone,

I am back too, really want to stop. My youngest daughter does not speak to me and it hurts like crazy. An alcoolique friend took me to a meeting on Friday night. Even though I have been at meetings 5 years ago, I did not recognize myself with any of the speaker.

Friday was an open discussion meeting. I went to get my "admission" token and beginer kit. It was the Candlelight Night. I really like the group, I cried, something I have not done for years and it felt so good. I really liked that format. Members suggest 3 subjects and then you can talk about it if you want. At the end of the meeting, 2 young women about the age of my daughter came to talk to me and gave me their number. One of them told me even if she was herself an alcoolique she stopped talking to her alcoolique mother. I found that very touching.

I have set the date of September 1st to quit completely. I am planning to go on meeting 3 times per week starting tomorrow, I took out my AA book (living without alcool) and will read it this week and become active physically again.

My others children are so happy about my move and IÙ want to make them proud of me and I want to be proud of myself. Crying again LOL.

I sincerely think I WILL SUCCEED this time.

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

The thought of total abstinence terrifies me; also, my father had drink issues and, despite being in AA, was never successful at stopping completely

Dont let the experience of your father deter you from trying AA. There is the 12 steps and then the fellowship. Many just rely on the fellowship. Dont really accept that they are alcoholics and it shows. They fail to stay stopped. They say step 1 is most important step, I believe so too. And alcoholism is just not losing control after a drink or two. Its inability to stay stopped. The mind, tricks us into picking up. Or sometimes we dont think at all. We simply take it, thats the in-sanity we talk about.

Write down the instances you wanted to stay stopped, note down the time between each attempt. Go back to the time when you took a drink again after a period of abstinence. What was the thought process just prior to each spree??? You can see what we mean by powerless over alcohol. And un-manageability is about being restless irritable and discontented, you can add anxiety, boredom and other maladies...

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Flora,

Hello and welcome. There is no advice for me to give that was not covered in Ashley’s post. I won’t say that I know how you feel because we are all different in our journeys. I will say that I understand your fear of abstinence because I once had that same fear. I too was looking to be able to control my drinking but after receiving similar advice from Ashley, I decided to try abstinence.

That was almost 4 years ago and to my disbelief, I have been alcohol free since that time. I wrote to Ashley in a thread on this site to thank her. You can find this thread by following this link: http://sg.alcoholhelpcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?forum=6&topic=5787&ForumName=Health%20Educator%E2%80%99s%20Corner&TopicTitle=Thanks%20Ashley!

I encourage you to keep an open mind to abstinence, you never know what may happen. I know I never thought I would be this content without alcohol.

Good luck to you!

Lynn

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11221

Welcome Flora,

I am glad you have figured out how to post. It can be a bit tricky.

I am also glad you have decided to take control of your drinking. Many people on here are attempting moderation. Most people only have success with moderation after they have had a period of abstinence. During a period of abstinence you learn how to cope and live without alcohol for awhile. When you do decide to go back to moderate drinking, then you will have more skills to be successful. Your patterns will be disrupted and your tolerance will also go down. It is recommend to have at least three months of abstinence and then reassess. I know that may not be what you want to hear - but it is the most likely way to have success with moderation.

It also sounds like a big part of quitting will be practising more coping skills. Have you tried or considered counselling to address the past trauma and to become equipped with skills? I highly recommend. If you are not quite ready to see a counsellor, I encourage you to look into online resources. We have a great sister site you may find useful: evolutionhealth.care. On the site you will find two support groups and two programs based on cognitive behaviour therapy for depression and anxiety. I find the content in the site is great for everyone, even if you do not suffer with clinical depression or anxiety.

Whatever you decide to do please keep us updated. We will help you through this every step of the way.

Take care,

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

I'm afraid I'm really having a difficult time navigating this space--it took me forever just to figure out how to post. I'm not even sure I'm posting in the right place now. I am Flora, in Canada, and have struggled with my drinking for a very long time. I have had periods of controlled drinking--as long as two years--and I am hoping I can achieve that again, in part with the help of this forum. I have hurt myself and my family with my drinking. I have embarrassed myself. I worry about what it's done/is doing to my body. The thought of total abstinence terrifies me; also, my father had drink issues and, despite being in AA, was never successful at stopping completely. I don't know if I can make controlled drinking work in the long term, but I would like to try. I am sick of hangovers, terrible guilt, terrible shame. I have suffered from anxious depression since I was a child, and breakouts of anxiety are my biggest triggers. Also, I have always lacked the skill/ability to soothe myself--long story, but rooted partly in much verbal and physical childhood abuse--and alcohol has and does seem the only way I am able to comfort myself. But of course it makes the anxiety and everything else much worse.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11221

Welcome PerpetualOptimist,

First of all, good for you for 2 months alcohol free. Great work! How were you able to achieve that? What worked for you?

Having slips is very common in recovery. The key is to recognize that it was a slip and learn from it. What triggered you? How can you prevent those triggers in the future?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

I tried a few times to quit and moderate and it didn't work until I accepted that I actually had to give up alcohol permanently. Then I decided to do whatever was necessary to maintain my sobriety. There are many different paths to success. For me I read everything I could get my hands on, watched documentaries, read blogs, joined "Tiredd of Thinking About Drinking" website 100 day challenge and committed to quit for 100 days and went on from there. I began to meditate, walk in nature, and lots of self care. As I began to face things without alcohol, I found that it was possible and success built confidence. Eventually I got help from a therapist to begin toward some stuff through. Best of luck as you begin your journey.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease. After a long period of sobriety we start, we get the way we were but much more. I had to seek help and boy was that a great decision. Life is so different than before.

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