I go for about 4 days with nothing to drink and then start back in and I'm consumed with guilt and self-hatred.
If you look closely, just prior to picking back up, the mind would have overridden all your resolve. Perhaps, it will say, we will just buy a smaller quantity or maybe, just you have been sober for a week, you deserve a celebration. In AA we call it the peculiar mental twist.
The mind will keep tricking us back and we have a problem after taking that first drink. Our body and mind wants more.
Some people experience acute anxiety, restlessness, irritability, discontendness......when not drinking. That is the main reason we get lost. we are overwhelmed and see that sense of ease and comfort that comes with drinking.
I see you have visited AA, but did you ever sit with another woman and went through the big book?