It's been a bit over three weeks since I first signed in and begged for help on this forum. Plenty has happened since then. I shortly thereafter signed onto the "Tired of thinking about drinking" blog (100 day challenge). All the while, I drank here and there. I drank enough (not necessarily all at one time) to further annoy my hubby.
To get to my point, I finally drove myself to my Doctor, when I arrived home to describe that experience to my husband...he was skeptical. His words; "Obviously he has never worked with an addict before." I was annoyed and frustrated. I felt my efforts were not worthy. So, with the words "FUCK YOU!!" under my breath I got into the car and drove myself to our local Rehab Centre. He offered to come with me. I said, "No Thanks." (why does he feel he needs permission?)
I pulled into the rehab parking lot filled with tears...blinded by tears. He sent me a text suggesting I stay with my sister "perhaps this place isn't for you" --I had already called my sister. She took me to the hospital, then to a detox centre. It was a painful relief.
All the while his texts were flying..."I'm proud of you", "Let's leave the past behind and start fresh" ...even the phone calls were sweet...
I got there Friday. He came to visit Sunday.
Then, I got home.
No more warm and fuzzy.
I was concerned because they did not eat the food I had prepared. (That's a common issue...I often feel I cook for the garbage can...lol)
He was insulted that I didn't notice he vacuumed.
The petty stuff kept rolling in. Intensifying.
Then I asked him about his experience in rehab, the same rehab centre I drove myself to before my sister picked me up. Mind you, his experience was 30 years ago. I asked because I wanted more information about the place and the experience. I wanted to know if he felt it helped his cause at the time. Man...it was a difficult conversation...he is still an addict.
Since then I attended an open SMART meeting and had a one on one. On both occasions I came home extremely emotional. Home life has been very tense.
I have also been challenged by someone to ask myself how I got here. This has been a painful exercise.
I have so much more to say...
