EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Managing Drinking
Introduce Yourself
What have I?ve done to myself?

Advanced Search Form

What have I?ve done to myself?

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 13

I recognize a lot of the feelings you expressed. I have been drinking pretty heavily for about 2 years now, just because I like it. What you said about "drinking because I'm bored" really sounds like me. Recently I cut back, no more secret stashes, I only drink to intoxication twice a week at most. But I actually feel worse about it than ever. I think it's the repeating of the commitment to stop-starting up again cycle. I don't trust myself. I am sitting here, newly committed after the weekend and I feel so low, because I am so afraid that I will just make it worse or start up again. I have never been someone who can take things day-by day. (even though the thought of "just worry about today" makes me feel more in control) I also started seeing a therapist for anxiety and I know this will help me with my self-control and drinking too, so I'm glad to hear you are seeing someone too. One thing that has kind of come out during my counselling is that I'm not very nice to myself. I thought I was cutting back to improve myself for the people I love. I am trying not to ruin my husband's life, but you're right, you said you needed to put yourself first and that makes me realize it's something I am doing for me too. I also appreciated what TS said about how we "are on a mission" and that drinking is our choice. I only ever considered not drinking to be the choice. If I can get myself to stop and think, even for a second before taking that first shot then I know I can remain in control This community has been great. I log in every morning, (but now I am thinking I should switch to evenings as this seems to be a trigger time) I just wish it didn't rely on me having the presence of mind to sign in when I feel weak. lol I should look for a service that texts me at 4:30pm, and then again at 6pm to check up on me. Hopefully it helps you too.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hello Blackhawk84,

A big welcome to you! I'm so glad you've decided to join us. You've taken the most difficult step in admitting that you have a maladaptive relationship with alcohol. There is not one person here that doesn't understand what you're going through. As you can see, I've been struggling with my own battle for quite some time. My serious issues started when my husband died followed a year later by mother. So, it's not really all that different from what you've gone through in that divorce is a type of mourning as well.

Isn't it interesting how we convince ourselves that we can't stop drinking when we start? Think about it. It's clear that the urge to drink is there regardless of the situation or reason...we may even make something up lol. That's where the planning begins. Will it be in a local bar, a gathering with friends, or at home? People make the conscious decision to drink. We then lament that once we start, we can't stop. Why is that? Because we're on a mission. We want to zone out, get buzzed and feel mellow, funny, happy or just plain disconnected for a bit. We can't feel that way on one or two drinks. Problem is, there are side effects... The point is, it's not that we can't stop, it's that we don't want to stop.

BH84, please never feel as though you can't share all that you need or want to. The more comfortable you feel sharing, the more feedback you'll get and you never know what will eventually resonate with you. I think I can speak for most here in saying we really look forward to hearing from you and want you to feel like you are part of our family.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

Wow, were to start...

The first thing I can think of is that I have been drinking everyday since I got divorced. I was very unhappy in that marriage, and I think my drinking started there. My ex-husband use to to try to tell me that I can't drink and tried to tell me what to do, Well, being the person I am, no one was going to tell me what to do. Our marriage had many more flaws before I started drinking, but since I am here.....

I recently started seeing a therapist. I am not too keen on going to AA, I am not religious and I also work crazy hours. She mentioned trying to find an online support group. So that is why I am here. I really hope this helps. I also Have a friend who is working the AA program, and I have found it helpful reaching out to her.

But I am here to stop hurting myself with alcohol. Once I start drinking, I can't stop. I drink when I am bored, I drink when i am stressed, I honestly just drink because I can. When I get sad or overwhelmed with life I drink. I drink way too much. I have gone to work some mornings feeling like complete ****. I have 2 wonderful kids, 12 and 9 in 2 weeks, and the 12 year old is not stupid. She is seeing whats going on right now with me and I need to make it better. My children are the main reason for this, but also myself, I am not use to putting myself first. But in this case I need too.

There is so much more I can say right now. But I don't want to make this too long. I feel like everything is out of control right now (another trigger) and I an just trying to find some support out there, It's so hard to try and find help, and at lease I have realizied there is a problem.

I would like to find some support and maybe another person I can call on when I have a bad day. It's hard for me to ask for help from my loved ones. No one here with me is going through any of this. I just want to make my like better for my kids and I.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

What have I?ve done to myself?