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7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11223

Welcome!

I am glad you found us. It sounds like you are ready for change. Coming here is a great first step.

I am glad to hear you have had a previous attempt at quitting. What did you learn from your first attempt? What worked then?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Dear Shandar,

You are so honest. It's a great thing to come here, be that honest with us, and allow yourself to be supported. That was what I did when I first started posting here, too. Julie always has such sweet words, and great advice. I feel like she and I could be good sober friends, lol. Foxman always has such great educational tools to really learn about addiction, recovery, and how the mind of an addict works. The tools he shares helped me immensely as well. If you were sober for 19 months, you can do this! The realization that we can never drink again is a tough pill to swallow. I sometimes struggle during my sad, frustrating, or anxious days, and want the relief of a drink.

I don't think I have shared this yet on the site, but the last time I drank I hid the wine bottle when it was empty. The next day I went to a local shopping center to throw the bottle away, because if I put it in the recycle bin here at home, my husband would see that I had drank the whole thing. I snuck from my car with the bottle in my purse wrapped in plastic bags thinking that no one will see me quickly throw it away. The problem was, the trash I dropped it in was metal, and EMPTY! The bottle made the hugest CRASH when it hit the bottom of the trash, a bunch of people in the plaza turned to look at me. I was so mortified. The shame of drinking so much, and knowing I was out of control, and seeing the strangers look at me was just awful. That memory is so burned in my brain... and now that's a good thing. Maybe you got drunk the other day so that you could have your memory of that night burned in your brain, too? I know on the days that I want to drink, I think of that CRASH in the can, and it certainly snaps me back to the reality that I can't drink.... I just can't. Like Foxman says, my mind may want to trick me sometimes into thinking that I can moderate... but I just can't.

Now full disclosure, I'm only sober 4 months. Perhaps the memory will fade and one day the mind will trick me. I certainly hope not... that's why I come here to read about other people's lives, and remind myself that I am just like many here.... wanting to choose to be sober today.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I am not sure what you are considering as a uni-dimensional solution. The paragraph is stating the problem. How we are caught in the dissolution.

Back to the solution. If you look at various approaches, i am talking about that prescribes total abstinence, the common elements are realization that alcohol is not working for us anymore and once that has firmly been realized then its about change. And the result of change is awareness/conscious decision making/mindfulness what ever you want to label it. Added bonus in AA, is a common place where you can see other people get inspired and launch recovery. This is not to brag, 5 years ago, I gave a CD to a young person and few weeks later I saw him, he wasn't the same person. Today he has his own recovery unit. A hardworking person in the trenches. Even today we are close and he has a group going where about 100 young people attend meetings every Thursday. If you are late you got to stand. They take meetings into salvation army and other treatment centers.

If you still not convinced about the powerlessness and un-manageability concepts, go back to your own history, write down what happened prior to each event when you picked up a drink. You would have been blind sighted bout the consequences and all your mind was focused was that sense of ease and comfort that comes with taking the first few drinks. But then once you have alcohol in your body, for some us, we can't control anymore. The mind and body wants more and more. Be honest. If you look at Bills Story you can see the same. He hits a peak in 1929. The market crashes. Then the struggle for 5 years. Steals money from his own wife. Then self-knowledge gives him relief but he drinks. Then fear keeps him sober for a while. Finally he applies the principles his friend offers and eventually he sobers up.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Foxman, that's a great passage you've quoted. It certainly helps illustrate the ineffectiveness of uni-dimensional solutions. I'll bet each one of us could add some new ones to that list.

Some great quotes of your own there too... "We have a forgetter in us" - so true.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Shandar,

Its the vicious cycle that the book alcoholics anonymous talks about. We get tricked into believing that we could handle drink safely "this time". The suffering and humiliation of the past never come up. Its about the feel we get taking a few drinks. And then we are off to the races. Thats the insanity. We have a forgetter in us. You may want to visit one of the local AA meetings. If you want some reading more you go in, you may read the chapter "More about alcoholism" of the book AA. http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf.

There is one paragraph that illustrates most of us:

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.

I highlighted some of the thinks i tried, but nothing worked for me.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Welcome Shandar7,

Sometimes it takes several attempts to really find the tools we need to quit drinking. It sounds like you were successful for 19 months and perhaps hoped to be able to moderate. I think that it is a learning journey for us all as we learn how to put alcohol finally behind us for good. Well done on getting back at things and sharing so honestly.

You have your momentum going with eight days of sobriety and embarrassing memories fresh in your mind. Keep adding those sober days to your count and using all the tools you have to get through the tough first bit.

Keep posting so we know how you are doing. We are here for you and you are not going through this alone!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

So, this is my second attempt at real sobriety. The last (first) time started October 11, 2014, and I was sober for 19 months and a day. I decided to have a drink because I was having a difficult time with my marriage and life in general. The drinking made it worse, though, and I stopped again for a few weeks. Went right back to it, telling myself that I would only drink at home, and I stuck to that for 2 months. Then, I went to a friend's house and drank some wine with her. Since then (about 2 months now), I have been drinking more and more at home, and I started drinking when going out. The night of September 10 was the last night I had a drink. I started the evening thinking that I was doing the right thing (drinking a little, eating a big meal, drinking another, having a water, then another drink...), but then I was not considering that the drinks were doubles, and about 3 hours in, I blacked out. I did not injure anyone, but I made a fool of myself in front of strangers, and I ended up making a huge mess in my living room.

I finally have figured it out that I really cannot handle alcohol on any level.

I want to be sober, and I need help.

I am glad I found this group.

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