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8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Cryptkeeper,

I was writing to Nodrama as indicated in my post addressed to Nodrama. I was not referring to what you wrote. I only check in her about once a week so sometimes it takes me awhile to respond. I am glad I was able to clarify as I do not want to offend anyone with my comments.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

"Pause when agitated." Good advice SPMW and Foxman...thank you both.

That is the beauty of social media such as Internet, e-mail and other outlets which allow us to write and save our replies. They give us cooling off and reflection time that we wouldn't otherwise have if we were communicating verbally, either in person or over the phone.

I have done this in the past, waiting a couple of days and saving a draft of what I originally intended to send, only to find out that whatever I thought was a threat or an insult or whatever I perceived was negative in nature wasn't the least bit true, and my reply was no longer an issue or needed, in which case it was simply deleted.

I didn't follow the foregoing practice with Ashley, but thanks SPMW and Foxman for reminding me of this "pause when agitated" tool I should be pulling out of my social tool box in the future.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

'Pause when agitated' (per Foxman's post) is golden advice I feel, especially on the internet where the only way in which we can communicate with each other is in writing. Our defensive reflex is always the one that answers the door - that's just instinct. With no tone, vocal inflection, facial expression or body language to help us interpret a written message we are likely to first ascribe the most hostile of possible interpretations to the message.

That's why I try to make it a practise, on the job and on internet forums, to allow a cooling off and reflection period before responding to anything that may initially have gotten my dander up. Often I'll write and save a draft of my initial response (without sending), then come back to it a day or two later to find that the response I really feel is appropriate is far different from my initial reaction.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Good morning Foxman,

For close to eight (8) years now, I (and other forum members) can always count on your counsel and words of wisdom, which are based on real-life experience.

When you write, "Man, I can totally relate to what's going on...", my first thoughts after that statement and the rest of your post, including the death of loved ones and a lot of meditation and prayer, I could borrow your statement myself, "Man, I can totally relate to your experience in my own life."

You are right, as you always are, because you have been through the nitty-gritty of life experiences, many of which have not been positive, but downright painful. Your insight and counsel is straight from the heart, and not based on theory, but real life.

I, too, cannot do it on my own. I rely 100% on our Heavenly Father on a daily basis to live a spiritual life that is both pleasing to Him and LOVING towards my neighbor.

I will do my utmost, with my Heavenly Father's support, assistance and counsel to be more understanding and empathetic towards forum members, and forget about writing about or comparing my own experiences when I do write posts or comments in the future. Everyone reading my foregoing words, can take them to the bank and cash them anytime.

As you have written Foxman, and as Toxic Soul and Julie have written and reminded me, many members who come to this forum are struggling and currently in a fragile state. They need to feel safe when they come to this place, expecting to receive meaningful encouragement, support and advice from others.

I may have written in previous posts, a man (i.e. me) who came within an inch of dying last October, but is alive today because of God's mercy and grace, does not have time or energy to BS or have ulterior motives for writing what I write or have written, which is straight from my heart.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Man, I can totally relate to whats going on. I used to be impacted what others say and totally mis-interpret whats going on out there. Its all in the head. Power of Now, helped me a lot, to recognize the 'voice in the head'. And its just that. Just a noise. I have to let go. Lot of meditation and prayer and one of the counselors pointed out that making amends is fixing it for good and not repeating it and just saying you are sorry. Man that helped me a lot. I need to be aware what people share is out of their experience. They might not of experienced the extremes. I have seen so many deaths in my own family and I see more in the rooms of AA. Some people can't do it on their own. I can't be thrusting my ideas/experience on anyone. We just have to lay it out there. Pause when agitated is one of the practices that was so alien to me then. Even today sometimes. But it all takes effort.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

To Toxic Soul and Julie,

You are both absolutely right. We do need to be there for each other.

And for the record Toxic Soul, I did ask Ashley (the writer) to clarify what she meant when I wrote the following wording, "Not certain if you were referring to my comments directly below written this morning or those written on 4 August 2016 at 1:58 p.m.? What do you mean or infer when you write "...except (BTW it should be "accept") this insight without defense"?

I am not a confrontational person by nature; I am a person who tries to uplift an encourage others, as my comments below should plainly prove.

And, once again, I will man up when I am wrong. And it appears I am in this instance, given your explanation Toxic Soul.

So, for the record, I do apologize Ashley, but you could easily have responded to my questions above, and did not. If I would have been proven wrong, as I have been clearly shown to be by Toxic Soul, then that is all you needed to reply. And, I would have sincerely apologized from the heart.

I am not trying to nor will I ever try to justify myself, but truthfully when I read the words "accept this insight without defense," my perception or interpretation was that Ashley was referring to my two comments (i.e. "this insight") as being offensive in nature, when they were anything but, and as you can see there aren't any comments in this post besides those from Nodrama.

Now again I quote from one of my favorite movies and actors, Forrest Gump (i.e. Tom Hanks): "That's all I have to say about that..."

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND,

And a big yes, to your first post. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You see or hear and therefore, you become. You literally talk yourself into self medicating which leads me to your next post. When you drink excessive amounts of alcohol, you deplete your body of valuable nutrients. One of these are the complex B vitamins which when in short supply, causes anxiety. You may want to consider taking a supplement. Not saying there isn't more to it than that, but it's worth trying.

As you know, nothing can change your childhood however, you can change how you frame it. Rather than looking at it from your inner child's perspective (id), re-frame it logically (ego), analyze the pro's and con's and then let it go, allow yourself closure once and for all. Your childhood is in your past and you're not going there. Playing that loop in your head is self defeating which leads to self medicating.

We can slay this relentless addiction but only if we want sobriety more than the addiction itself.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Cryptkeeper,

I really do not believe that Ashley was referring to anything you wrote at all. She was complimenting ND's ability to dissect and make sense of part of her childhood and applying it to her current station in life without agonizing over it. Rather, it's more of a quiet introspection and reflection that ND shared and Ashley picked up on it.

I agree with Julie in that people need to be able to come here and find support without the fear of being attacked should they unintentionally say something that could be misunderstood by another member. Perhaps rather than taking offense or jumping to conclusions, just ask the writer to clarify what they meant to say as it was unclear to you.

Please remember as Julie pointed out, many of us are at our most fragile and by coming here we are looking for a life line. We need to feel comfortable to express our thoughts and reach out to those that suffer as we do. Hopefully, we can help each other to overcome our nemesis together.

You're right Cryptkeeper, we are all spiritually connected and we need to be here for each other.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Crypt keeper, I am not sure why so confrontational when you do not agree with someone? This is a free public forum moderated by "Health Educators" like Ashley and thank God for their contributions and this web site. I find Ashley's periodic input to be very helpful and considered. I don't always agree with what people say on this forum anymore than they agree with all of my thoughts; however, I do respect their right to a have different viewpoint. The point of this forum is to support each other as we struggle through our difficult times. In order to be secure in sharing our vulnerabilities, we have to feel safe that we won't be attacked if we differ.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

To Ashley,

You write below "I think it is fantastic that you were able to except this insight without defense." Not certain if you were referring to my comments directly below written this morning or those written on 4 August 2016 at 1:58 p.m.?

What do you mean or infer when you write "...except (BTW it should be "accept") this insight without defense"?

My comments, in both instances, are encouraging, hopefully uplifting and helpful, and lastly written from a pure incentive and heart.

I take offense to your comment and perception of what I have written, which was only written with the purest of motives and directly from my heart. Mind your own business if that is all you can add to the discussion between Nodrama and I, even if you are one of several "Health Educators" on this forum, which certainly does not make you superior or queen mediator.

As I wrote above, my 2 comments were meant to be helpful, uplifting and encouraging, not the opposite, and I certainly do not need your permission to write them.

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