The pink cloud.... Here is my confession.
I went to my friend's house last week. You remember this friend, the one that I said bought a bottle of wine for "when I come over?" Ugh.
Well, I was over her house and my daughter was being so terrible and out of control. I got really mad and upset. My friend asked me if I wanted some wine and I said YEEEESSSSS.
I should've known I was in no condition to be drinking. Although I only had 2 glasses, it was how I felt when I was drinking them that made the experience terrible. All I wanted was MORE MORE MORE.
I went home after those 2 glasses knowing all I had at home was beer, which I hate. Thank God that's all there was in my house, because I think I would have been powerless and had more. I'm so glad I've at least set up these road blocks so that I can't just fall down the rabbit hole and get lost with alcohol.
It took hours before my obsessive thoughts about MORE went away. The whole time I was fighting myself, "I want more." "You're supposed to not be doing this anymore." Back and forth, back and forth.
I now know that I can't go near alcohol unless I'm in the right frame of mind. I've been doing so well with my abstinence and moderation, but when I'm mad/sad/any negative emotion, drinking is not a good choice for me at all.
Duh, right?
On a good note, I did tell my friend while I was there that I was no longer drinking at home because I saw it as a problem. She, too, said she had been drinking too much. My husband and I bought non alcoholic sparkling pear and apple cider over the weekend for at home celebrations. I was so happy about that. Even my daughter wants to share some with us.
Well, that's my confession. I have forgiven myself, but I'm disappointed. I know this is a learning experience, and it feels good to have a safe place to get this off my chest. My husband didn't even know I did it.