Thanks for the support and thanks for the question Ashley, a good opportunity for reflection. In the very beginning I knew that I had no realistic choice but to make a change. I also knew that moderation had not worked for me and that I had to quit drinking. When I started to search online, I found this website and many blogs (Tired of thinking about drinking, unpickled, mrs. d. is doing without etc etc) written by people who sounded like me. I read Christopher Kennedy Lawford's book "Recover to Live" along many others and I found hope in the success of others. I came to believe that if they could stop, perhaps I could too and perhaps my life would be better without alcohol. I came to see that there are many roads that lead to recovery and everyone is different. I could plot my own recovery and take a bit from the success of others and build my own success. My inner momentum and confidence grew with each success at refraining from alcohol, all the firsts I managed. Now I see so many hopeful possibilities, things I could never have seen when I was immersed in alcohol.