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Sometimes it is really hard!

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Hello Gus!

Yes, we did chat on this site around that time, we were both making attempts not to drink. Looking back, mine were feeble attempts. I thought I wanted to cut back or not drink but realize the desire to not drink was not bigger than the desire to drink. This time is different, I can see myself not drinking anymore, something that is new for me. In my previous attempts I always had in the back of my mind that I would just cut back, moderate. Now that thought is slowly changing to just staying away from it altogether. For now I have not had a problem not drinking, I still have fleeting thoughts during the day about how great it would be to go home and have a drink then I ask myself, what is the point, it will only lead to desire for another. Why put myself through that? You are right, easier just to not have any.

I am glad to hear you are doing well, keep it up!

Ashley, thanks again for your advice!

Lynn

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 115

Hi Lynn and Ashley,

I would like to make comments to both of you. Lynn, I think we may have chatted through this site back in May/June 2014, when I was still struggling to come to terms with cutting/back or quitting drinking altogether.

I quit drinking over four months ago, after thinking about and trying to quit for over a year. For me, it was WAAAYYYY easier to quit altogether vrs trying to "manage" my drinking. When you quit altogether, there are no more worries like "How much am I gonna drink tonight? Will I have one or two drinks? Or will a 3rd (or 4th or 5th) drink hurt me? When will I be able to drive safely again? How hungover will I be tomorrow? What will this drinking tonight/weekend to to my weight? How cloudly will my head be for the next few days? Will I remember all that happened tomorrow? How will I get home tonight? Will my spouse be mad at me for drinking too much?" All those drinking related questions and problems disappear when you quit. All that anxiety around those issues stop. All the brain power that goes into planning that drinking is put to better use.

For me, there is a great peacefulness that comes with not having to worry about drinking anymore. I haven't had this much peace in my life internally in maybe 20 years. And yes, waking up is way better than coming too in a daze and not knowing what went on the night before.

I have absolutely no interest in drinking now. My life is so much better without alcohol. A good friend asked me a couple nights back "So, would you be interested in drinking a couple drinks in moderation in the coming months or years if you could handle it?" My answer to him is that I have about as much interest in drinking alcohol now as I have in drinking battery acid. I have no interest whatsoever in drinking. There is nothing there that's positive for me anymore. I get no benefits out of drinking. So I'm not interested anymore.

Ashley, thank you for all your wise council over the last months. I do read all of your comments, and I find them very helpful.

Have a great day everyone!

Gus

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Yes I agree. I think it is what makes abstinence so much easier for me than moderation. It just takes the idea right off the table, and in doing so it quiets all that mental chatter that is so preoccupied with when the next drink will be. There is no negotiating with myself on the topic, there will be no exceptions, so don't even think about it. And suddenly I have more mental energy for just being present which is a great feeling.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

It sounds perfectly normal to me. It makes sense that it would be a comfort to you as there is no grey area.

I wonder if other members have felt similar?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Ashley,

Today I am great! Waking up is so much better than coming to!! This week has been filled with different thoughts, shifting between the positive and the negative. At times I think I really will not be able to accomplish 3 months without alcohol simply because I don't want too, I want to be able to have a few drinks with my friends or when I come home from work. Then I realize why professional advice is to give yourself 3 months to break the cycle. I have begun to understand that if I allow myself one or two drinks a day I could easily find myself where I was a month ago---and I don't want to go through that again.

Oddly enough, the positive side is one of a comforting feeling after making the decision of being alcohol free for 3 months. It has taken away those thoughts of when it will be OK to take a drink and how many drinks I can have and remain "safe." Is that normal?? To find some comfort in knowing that I shouldn't have a drink for a certain amount of time?

Thanks for your advice,

Lynn

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

No problem Lynn123. I am glad you took some time to reflect on it. It is a tough thing to hear.

How are you doing today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Simmy,

Thanks for the resource suggestions. I have never gone a week much less a month without alcohol so this whole process is new. I agree, a month is more like a break than a change. I am going to try this 3 month challenge and see where it takes me.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

That's great Lynn! Have you seen the 100 day sober challenge on tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com? I am about half way through. I had thoughts of trying to moderate after a month, but the last time I tried that, I went straight back to my old patterns within a month, so now I am starting with 100 days. It definitely feels different. A month feels like a break from drinking (but kind of like waiting for it to be over so I could drink again) whereas 3 months really does feel like my life routines are changing...

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Ashley,

I have to say, I was not expecting your response of remaining alcohol free for 3 months! Tough news to hear but as I spent the better part of yesterday reflecting I began to understand the reasoning. I assume that after a month of being alcohol free the physical effects of alcohol have left my system but what remains are the psychological effects; effects that I assume will be harder to overcome than the physical.

When I read your response and what addition counselors recommend, my initial thought was that was too long, I am not addicted to alcohol, it just became a very bad habit. Comical now as I type this, addiction/habit, whatever label I chose to place on my condition has never brought me anything positive. The fact that I was contemplating the ability to achieve 3 months shows me that I need to give it a shot.

I am a person that is routine driven. If it will take 3 months to truly break this pattern then I will take on the challenge. Driving factors of this decision is the desire to not go back through the feelings (grogginess, bad/no sleep, irritability) I had the first 3 weeks of my month journey and enjoying the freedom of being alcohol free.

Thanks for your response, even though it was tough to take!

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Lynn123,

Sounds like you are doing fantastic. Love the rewards - good job. To answer your question, an addictions counsellor would normally recommend at least a 3 month break prior to attempting moderation. Normally they would say three months and then reassess how you feel as it can also take longer. On average it takes at least 90 days for us to solidify new patterns.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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Sometimes it is really hard!