Day 11 for me. All is well. I am not having any real urges right now. I have relapsed so many times in the past that I know every trick in the book taht my brain can throw at me. I have grown to hate booze now, and all that it stands for. It is all really an illusion. Nothing is better with alcohol. It is the opposite evrything is o.k. until I have a drink. What is the purpose for alcohol on this planet? Use it to relax, to be happy. To party. I don't relax when I drink. I am up and about and don't go to sleep till 5-6am gambling. To be happy. I get more depressed after I have drank. I want to party ,but I am alone. To party, I end up in verbal fights, and arguments, or get thrown out of a place cause I am partying to much. I over party. I don't know. I just don't see the fun with booze anymore. Life it's self is exciting. I go for walks, paint (oilpaint) I read. I watch movies. I visit museums. I pray. I drive around. One drink just leaves me on my balcony for 6 hours listening to the same music over, and, and over again, and keep on drinking, and drinking, and drinking. That is not a life. Going out, and living now that is a life. For me. The sad thing is that I could be say all of this, and next week I am back to drinking. Thats what happened every other time I have tried to stop drinking. This time what is different is that I do not see the use of alcohol anymore. Who knows. All I can do is one day at a time, and when times gets tough. I will use my tools that I have collected through out all my slips. For today I am content being sober.
