Hi Jakelad,

                I do understand where you are coming from. My own brother- in- law chose to die. The lure is just that intense. The guilt my sister lives with even after over four years prevents her from living a fulfilling life. She exists, she does not live.  She lives in the house they shared despite the fact it is way too large and she is alone. The yard is huge, never used and she struggles to manage.  Until I moved back to the area she had lived with the original décor ( over 40 years old) which she hated. That has changed. I try to encourage her to move on but she refuses. There is only so much I can do.

                I continue to try to help my sister understand her co dependency but it is a slow process. The more you and we all share Jakelad, the better we all understand and the more tools we have access to.

Thank you Jakelad, your shares are invaluable,

TS

Sanity....... It is coming but sane I am not. The urge to Drink my problems away is fading yes for sure, acceptance is starting. 6 months is nothing yet I hold onto it like it is my life blood. For me to drink is to die this I know. One drink is all it takes. Today not for me, tomorrow I will do the same things as today pray, read, write, talk to my sponsor and go to meetings. If I do the same as today tomorrow I am all but sure to live another day.

I have seen my life balance out for sure, take the drink away and all you have is a sober drunk. My thinking has changed also. I rely very heavy on the fellowship of AA. Honest to myself, faith that everything will work out and acceptance of every situation is what I am working on. No drinks is easy just don't take the first one thinking like a sane person that is the hard part but it is coming.

Ashley, Health Educator

Jakelad, 

Jakelad,

I am having a bit of a hard day so thought sharing my story might help. On March 9 of this year I had finally done it all. 25 years of boozing came to a head. Wife, kids, house, boats all long gone. The woman of my dreams (not my wife) was gone. Still had my job but the boss was sick of me sleeping in the washroom. everything was gone that mattered and I was living in the self pitty of it all. 3 years since I left my wife, before that I drank quietly and steady. After separation I really started hard, lived at the bars hated being alone. Went to one pub so much I got staff pricing for drinks. On March 9 25 years after my first sip I headed to the bar for the last time but didn't know it. I had been drunk for 3 years solid thought it would be that way till I died and I hoped that came soon. Hung over like crazy I forced down the first few doubles. 3 hours later I had over 50 shots of rye in me. Oh no worries I cashed out several times so not to run up a big tab at once that way I could say to the bar tender I only had a couple see my bill. LOL. Yes 50 shots and drive home I go. At home drank the last two beers but not enough, never enough. I found a bottle of champainge left from new years and popped it like I was celibrating. Still not enough, found a bottle of sleeping pills 5-7 pills left cant remember I was so drunk. I took them all and washed it down with the last sip of bino. When I passed out that night I did not expect to wake up. When I did with a might fist my higher power knocked me on my ass. He was sick and tired of me pissing on him, throwing my life away. I seen the light and errors in my ways. I walked into a service meeting of AA that night. Never had I thought about quitting never had I wanted to but all of a sudden all my issues made sence. I am just like these people I am an alcoholic. I am very very sick. I heard do 90 meeting in 90 day and when I am done if I don't like it they will give me back my misery free of charge. I did 90 meeting in 93 days. I joined a group, got a sponsor and started the steps. When I am feeling low I look to another alcoholic to help me and to help them. I am close to my 6 month chip and now I fear booze, I look at it as poison. I still have lots of work to do but today I will not drink partly because of being able to write on this website. Living clean is the better way. In 6 month my life has done a complete turn around.