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Crossed my mind

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 28

Hi ND congrats on making it through Super bowl sober! It's not easy when events come up that typically involve alcohol and how to handle. I remember a few years ago a couple my wife and I know -the husband showed up at Super bowl with Coke Zero and drank that all day. He was a regular heavy drinker before (and his whole family drinks- brothers, sisters, cousins, etc)... someone asked him to have a beer and said he quit. I recently saw him at a gathering and he was drinking. He didn't drink for almost 2 years...! I actually felt disappointed. And I was still drinking at the time and said to myself the damn pull of alcohol and pressure from his surroundings finally broke him. I was like man that sucks- knowing he had to stop - but then couldn't! So, I can only imagine when immediate family members see us slip up or completely fall off the wagon. I bet your husband just wants you to "do it" and maybe doesn't understand the struggle fully. -K

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Yes, I agree. It is hard for people that don't have problems with alcohol to understand why we do have problems with it. I've been told---if I couldn't remember what I did the night/day before that would scare the crap out of me and I'd never drink again. Well---yes!! It does scare us. It is something we don't want to be doing. Struggling in our society with all the quick fixes out there is not something others accept it seems. No, no one likes to be different but, the fact is the faster I accepted that I am different the better it has been. It's not cool, glamorous or sexy to be drunk. It's sad and pathetic. That's what I keep telling myself. I spent the Superbowl watching part of it and spending the other part of it with my kids talking and hanging out. It was the very best Superbowl I've ever had. Totally sober and totally clued in on my family. That's the best. Family. When we stop being self distructive and focus on the things we really value then it becomes clear. Nothing is ever worth disappointing my kids. Sober is the life I was meant to live and I am thankful I've been given the chance to live it. Cause I wouldn't have made it through another year, I'm certain of that.

I would like for my husband to read on the subject of drinking....fact is he won't. He feels like he doesn't need to reasearch to understand. He feels like he just needs me to continue being sober. So, I can't force him. Although, I've tried to force articles on him....he doesn't want to deal with it. I get that. So, I will just accept his mindset and be positive. Nothing bad ever comes from being positive. :-)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I can only imagine what it is like for a "normal" drinker to understand what we go through. The questions of why can't you just stop? Or why can't you just have one? Or why do you lie about your drinking? I want to be a normal drinker but I just can't stop when I start. I have asked each person that is close to me to read the chapter "To the families" in the big book. All have said that it helped them understand what I do through. No person likes to think they are different but I accept the fact that I am when it comes to booze and it is best that the people I love know the struggles I go go through each day as a drunk and in recovery.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Ashley ! Yes, "what if" is working so far. I've continued with my (and that's a typo by the way in my last post where it says 'no sobriety') sobriety ! I have stayed sober and am proud of that. I just don't think I have the energy for the drama, hangovers and disappointment it causes. I've stated that before and still slipped myself up. I am humbly hoping that the last slip was my last. I'm very optimistic!! Thanks Dave---yep he's starting to come around. Although he keeps asking if in I'm "ok" but I understand now he is just being cautious and hopeful and I've let him down SO many times.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Nodrama,

It sounds like "what if" strategy worked for you. It sounds like you were not able to rationalize - you have done too much work to rationalize drinking now. This all sounds really good to me. Cravings are to be expected - it's how you handle them that matters.

How do you feel about what happened? Would you say your are more confident after this craving or less?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

That AV can be pretty annoying, to say the least. If I can make a suggestion....take a deep breath, or practice the box breathing that has been suggested on the site here and relax into it. You did a great job handling the way you did and not giving in. Well done! Every time you face those situations and weather the storm you take back a small part of yourself back and build your inner strength. You do a small re-wire and move farther away from the problem. It's like working out when you first start. It can be painful at first, then you body recovers (in this case your mind/ brain) and, as you continue on that path and stick with it, you continue to build up strength and before you know it you want to challenge yourself with bigger things. It's no different when you quit and assert control over that AV and learn to live differently. You'll begin to see things differently and the strength of the of the AV weakens. Eventually you become indifferent to it.

It's interesting how we often use anger to assert a sense of control over a situation. Your husband will come around. He's learning to live with the situation as well and it takes time. You're doing a great job on this and, reading back through your posts and our discussions I've seen an incredibly positive change in how you are coping with this challenge and putting it behind you. Awesome work ND! Keep going!

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks Guys! Yes, it is a test. I know that for sure. But, today I continued on with no soberiety and I am proud of it too. I don't have a problem saying to anyone---Nope I don't need that. It's just not right for me. I know too that one drink and I'm done for right not---probably forever. I'm actually really, really ok with that. I did send my husband a text today telling him I was sorry for upsetting him. But, I think today he figured out that he was off in left field last night. However, I can't blame him. I have earned that with my BS. So, in time it will fade. In time he will trust me.

I am scared of it too Jakelad....and that fear is a good thing for me. :-)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I have had many dreams that I had drank. Each time I wake up terrified and then become very thankful that it was just dream. I have smashed the notion that I can drink like a normal person. I know that one drink all bets are off. I be right back where I was with that first sip. I DO NOT WANT THAT. I am proud of my sobriety. I look at booze with fear.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND!

I’m a little surprised that your husband became angry. I was under the impression that he had gained a better understanding of your relationship with alcohol. We all know it is simply the nature of the beast to intrude upon our thoughts with the slightest provocation.

The first couple of weeks we are so determined since we are so incredibly sick of the cycle and possibly mortified with our last presentation. We go through the withdrawal, shore up our resolve and plow on through, certain we will never drink again. Then, we start to feel healthier, our last binge is tucked away in our long-term memory and we delude ourselves into thinking we’re ok now. We suddenly find ourselves toying with the idea that a few drinks with dinner would be nice or watching a movie with glass in hand would be oh so relaxing.

Problem is, it’s too soon. We haven’t habituated the non-drinking processes as of yet. The rewiring of our brain has a long way to go and our tolerance levels are still as high as ever. It has taken a long time for us to develop this maladaptive relationship with alcohol and it takes a long time to reinvent ourselves to the point where AV loses its impact.

Slamming AV down was just what you needed to do ND. The incessant poking that AV does will let up eventually once your brain normalizes. It’s screaming for a dopamine hit yet we are all very much aware that our tolerance levels are so high in early abstinence that we will black out and not even remember the “feeling fine” part should we even experience it. Remember that when AV acts up, that even if you do drink, you really will not enjoy it. So, what’s the point?

Stay strong ND, before you know it you’ll be relaxing on your wonderful cruise and sipping something refreshing.

Testing, testing!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Last night while I was putting away the dishes I looked up into the cabinet and saw at the very back....a wine glass. For the rest of the time I put the dishes away I tried to rationalize having a drink this weekend. I couldn't come up with a good reason....I confessed these thoughts to my husband who immediately got angry with me and assumed that I was planning a grand binge. I don't feel like I am. I just had a few thoughts that for the first time in a long time I didn't run from...I actually went through the entire thing in my head....playing it out with "what if'".....I found that I was very unsatisfied with what I know the outcome will be if I drink. I know where it will lead me. I don't want that again. I don't want to feel like crap, worry what I said or did and be in the dog house with my family. I just don't have the energy for another round with alcohol. But, I hate it that the thought crept in....I did slam the door. But, I'm thinking it was an urge and I tend to let them fester. So, I'm posting about it before it 's too late. Thanks for reading....:-) Any feedback will be appreciated.

Best to all!

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Crossed my mind