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Day 6 almost no alcohol... Loosing it.

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Day 6 almost no alcohol... Loosing it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Hi Elektra,

How are things going? I was thinking of you and just wanted to see how you are.

Kez

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Electra,

“Do you find you are able to go days without even thinking about alcohol?”

Yes Electra, now, I go days without even thinking about wine and it was hard won. When I decided to quit the first time I managed 75 days AF. Thought I had given myself enough sober time to chance a drink. Nope, right back into it and worse. And so it began. I would quit, drink, quit drink and each time I beat myself up over it. This last time I finally stopped giving myself such a hard time and decided that I would just be happy about the days I didn’t drink. When I stopped pressuring myself and instead, rewarded myself for each success, the AF days just started to accumulate without so much effort. Certainly felt discouraged from time to time, but better than before.

Do remember that throughout the year I steadily increased my strategies to cope, ate way better and exercised. I learned a lot and came to this site most days. I never thought that I’d ever be able to have a few drinks from time to time with friends and be happy with that but I have finally gotten there I believe. Took me a full year but here I am. I no longer “need” alcohol, and am so happy that I do not have to do a circuit of liquor stores to save face.

As I mentioned before, I do not believe that everyone that has a problem with alcohol needs to avoid it indefinitely. Sometimes we just need to revisit healthy habits and rewire our thinking patterns to regain control. Biggest thing in my opinion is to love “yourself.” If you hate yourself, it just gives you another excuse to drink excessively.

Not saying that my strategy will work for others, but it did work for me.

Electra, whatever your drinking goal is that you want to set for yourself is doable. When you achieve it depends on your investment and remember that time is your greatest ally.

You can do this!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Elektra,

Love what ND and TS said. It's not exactly the same, but I'm not comfortable in situations where the attention and caring are focused on me. I get downright anxious - can't think, hands shake, can't look people in the eye, and it's usually a fight or flight response I basically turn into a 12 year old again. The first time I dragged myself into my therapist's office I was terrified and I didn't want to go, but I knew that what was in there might be a new shot at help. It took I think about 8 phone calls back and forth for me to finally make that first appointment. to the point where she said "this is the last time I'm calling back, if I don't hear from you I'll assume you've gone somewhere else". It's been a year and a half and I'm still nervous, but I walk in there on a mission. There is a deep inner comfort now. I make appointments every few months so I can stay on track, and I don't look back, I don't feel stupid, I don't feel weak. Something inside me is beginning to understand that some of the most insightful, strong people push through their fears and walk through those doors(whether it be AA or a therapist or whatever). What I'm getting at is ND is so right that you made progress. Keep doing what you feel is right!!

TS and ND really inspiring responses. Really struck a chord with me.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 20

You are all so amazing seriously thank you. Toxicsoul 80 days! That is great! Do you find you are able to go days without even thinking about alcohol? That's what I want ideally I would like to drink socially I'm just not sure it will work for me. I noticed I get into an unfocused mind set and I seem to start pacing and can't bring myself to do anything then alcohol pops into my mind and if I drink I am able to get what needs to be done done, but then I don't stop drinking.

Also sitting outside the meeting and actually bringing myself To go that far felt good weather or not I went in and slipped after I do feel like it was another step in the right direction . Again you are all keeping me motivated I don't have any support out of here right now.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Elektra,

I think that you did make progress, even though you might not see it yet. It does take a long time to get back to where you started from. It took years to develop our problems---it's only natural it would take a while to get them out of our heads. But, it's difficult to jump into a meeting. It's maybe something you aren't ready for yet. I had trouble going to them also, and didn't really find it helpful to me----BUT some folks really get a benefit from AA. You won't know until you try. I personally think that this website is more helpful and supportive. But, you will make that decision for yourself. Hang in their Elektra, you are so strong! You can do this---but know that you may have to start over a few times to get to the place you want to be. Be kind to yourself and know you can do it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Electra,

Reinventing one self is just plain hard work. I can't tell you the number of day one's I've had over the past year. But, I eventually decided that every day alcohol free was progress. Once I stopped being so hard on myself the number of consecutive AF days increased with every attempt.

My last run was almost 80 days. Your body can do a lot of repair work in that length of time so it is a true success. I then had five drinks and stopped again. You will be amazed how quickly your tolerance level falls. I was actually hung over the following day and was incredulous given the fact that in days gone by I could easily finish a large bottle of wine without repercussions.

So I'm again AF because now I prefer it that way. I have no doubt that I will have a few drinks again in future social situations, as I do not believe problerm drinking is a life sentence for everyone. Practicing mindfulness which allows your brain to rewire, results in promoting self-control. You become the director not the AV.

Electra, you've identified some changes you'd like to make in your life, had a run of AF days, and actually went to an AA meeting location. You have given your body a break and with each subsequent attempt it will get better.

Now, allow yourself a big pat on the back for your successes and give it another go!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Hi Elektra,

While that may not have been the outcome you had hoped for, I'd say it was a brave first step and I admire you for it. Do you think at least sitting outside for a bit desensitized you at least a little bit? Your honesty is also inspiring...

Hang in there, give it another go if you feel like it's what might be the right thing for you, and we will still be here.

Kez

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 20

Thanks again

Well I went to a meeting. Didn't actually go in, sat outside, walked around the block then went to the liquor store. I will post tomorrow. I should really try to go to bed. You guys are what made me take the step to go and I am going to try again I just couldn't do it tonight

Elektra

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Elektra!

I think it just takes our minds time to sort through all the bad thoughts/energy that we've fed ourselves when drunk. If you spend a lot of time drinking, then you never give your brain a break to develop thoughts, habits, skills. It's a cycle. I drink because I drink. You are doing a great job at overcoming that. It takes time. We didn't get here overnight--right?

"It's easier to focus on the negative than to set yourself up for a failure with the postitive"-- that's how I used to look at things. I'm bad, I deserve to be bad because I can't do this...I can't NOT drink. I used to focus on a lot of the past problems, past mess ups and it's easy to obsess over that. Here's what I'm going to tell you---I have a crazy mother also, I had trama and bad experiences growing up. We didn't learn to cope with all that bs and kids shouldn't have to deal with it or learn to deal with it. BUT---you can control this. YOU can stop the cycle. Here's what I did--think about the past one more time. By past I mean the things you are beating yourself up over. Tell yourself you are done with it. Give yourself permission to be done with it. Be kind to yourself as you would a friend. That advice was given to me right here on this site and it's on the nose advice! (thank you Dave and TS)

As far as the future---that seems overwhelming as well. What I've tried to do is have shorter goals. Then when you reach them don't focus on that too much either. Just be like--that's great! I did it! And move on to your next goal. If we over think things we are our own worst enemy.

The withdrawl is more than with our body it's our mind. It's your mind telling you this is how to deal with things. You have to experience things without booze and then you will know you can do it. And when you are clear headed you have a choice as to what you do. Drink with moderation or don't drink at all....But, you will know where your path is once you get out of the fog and that day is coming....

Good work, hang in there!!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Hoping to attend an AA meeting next week ( just afraid to go alone ).

I used to AA Hot-line committee early in my sobriety, most people would call for meeting location where they are visiting. Occassionally some people would call similar to the situation you are in. We use to connect them with local women who are on the 12 step committee. The role of these people is to visit people at a convenient location and then when they are comfortable lead them to a meeting. You may try that in your local area. Look up for the AA intergroup/Central office, I am sure somebody will be able to help you.

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Day 6 almost no alcohol... Loosing it.