Hi Elektra, good for you choosing to do something about the way you feel. It takes a lot of courage to open up to other people and admit you feel awful. 'Social' drinking wasn't for me either... I had fallen into a pattern of drinking alone at home and trying to keep it secret from my family, but still I would say and do the stupidest things when I was drunk and feel devastated with remorse afterwards, not to mention crippled with the hangovers. That combination led me to my emotional rock bottom just over two years ago. Then I made up my mind to do something about my drinking, came to this forum and found the courage to go to a meeting.... and today... I'm no longer drinking or thinking about drinking. It's an amazing sense of freedom. For me it was the meetings and what I learned there which helped the most. I've written more about it on my blog if you're interested. Wishing you strength for today, you are not alone!