Hi ND,
Great post and a good question. How we deal and feel about that addictive voice in our head seems to evolve over time, at least it has for me. When I first stopped I felt the inertia of all of those triggers and it was strong. I had developed a knee-jerk reaction to stress and anxiety and the vast majority of it was historical in nature and outdated. It simply didn't apply anymore but the artifacts remained because of the dysfunctional nature of dealing with life in general for so many years. It developed at a time when the coping skills didn't exist. Now they do and for the ones that didn't I addressed them and developed them. However, change is uncomfortable and difficult at the best of times, especially change where we are insecure about the outcomes, like ditching this addictive voice, as silly as it sounds because AV is actually us talking to ourselves. It developed for a reason and we did the best we could with what we had at the time. So to get back to your original question, the AV voice dulls with time time and I've realized it's actually not so much an AV voice anymore but strong feelings about a situation I am confronted with that I need to work through. In the beginning, I would use a lot of self-talk and shut it down to give myself the space to experience the fact I don't need to drink in that situation, that it is perfectly ok to make my choices and learn to deal with life without escaping it. The fact is that what was scary and difficult when I was very young or as a teenager or young adult really isn't scary anymore. Unfortunately we develop habits that are a direct result of trying to cope with very uncomfortable feelings and fears. They could be driven by dysfunctional family life\ marriages, depression, PTSD, OCD, ADD, etc, and combinations of them. It's never directly the alcohol, only addictive thinking patterns that relies in the alcohol and maladaptive cling strategies, most often driven by cognitive distortions. Ever notice how people will replace one addiction for another? Never never truly dealt with the underlying problem. So now when the AV pops up it's in a muted sort of way that I just kind of blow it off and pay more attention to why I might be feeling a certain way. In the beginning, especially in the really difficult trigger situations when my AV was having a full on anxiety attack, I would say "No, I don't drink!" or "I'm not drinking" and keep that fixed in my mind. Looking back now, I realize that it was getting through the habitual situations and tearing down the walls that I hid behind was step 1 in the process. Doing that and becoming comfortable with it gives you the space to deal with step 2, and that's untangling, challenging, and re-working the thinking patterns that drove them. The focus shifts from one to the other the more you practice saying "No". That is why it is so important to stop completely if you really want to resolve this challenge, even if your plan is to eventually moderate. It's like walking broken foot. It never completely heals unless you get off it and stop putting the pressure on it and then ease back it into it very carefully. By taking the time to heal it you eventually walk on it again (I'm referring to moderation). Does that make sense ND?
All the best!
Dave
