I am so sorry Allison your childhood was rough, I cried when I read it, I am so sorry you were sexually abused, I could never understand how an adult could hurt a child like that, you are a good loving caring Mother and I know God is protecting your children. My Mother was also very anxious and worried alot about us, she was a good Mom through and I miss her very much, My Father was and still is a very cold mean man, he would hit us kids all the time and verbal abuse, my old therapist blamed him for my problems, she said "the boogie man" how I refered to my panic was my fear of my Father, always having to be on edge afraid to be hurt physically and emotionally, I do not know if the therapist is right or not, I always thought a Dad should love and protect his little girl, not hit her or verbally abuse her, he did NOT sexually abuse me, but I guess abuse is abuse, through sexual is the worst. I am happy to say I never ever hit or hurt my child, I build him up and not tear him down, I lived by a little rule, whatever my Dad did I do the exact opposite, I guess I am like my Mom I do worry too much about him. I am praying for you Allison that all the bad memories go away for you, you are a good MOther and a wonderful person, please remember that. God bless you always, Debbie.