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Sick and tired of being sick and tired

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

June,

Welcome!

Thanks for sharing and posting with us. This is a great way to gain experience and support. As you can see the members are outstanding with the support and shared experiences. We are here to listen and help.

You have set some good goals for yourself and you are determined to accomplish the challenge. Keep posting and let us know what you accomplished this evening!

Josie, Health Educator

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Well, I was not AF last night, but I only had a small glass of champagne to celebrate an event, then sipped on a glass of Red for 2 hours. I consider this a win because this is how I would like to see myself enjoying wine in the future. I drove my family home, went straight to bed instead of doing a "post-mortem" with my husband (usually includes more wine) and slept for 10 hours. Tonight we are going to a party and I will endeavour to do the same, then be AF for Sunday-Thursday.

If I can do this consistently, I think I will be happy with my consumption….

Does this sound like a cop out?

Jenn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thanks TS, Dave and Lynn,

I have seen how all 3 of your are active on this site and I appreciate the response.

TS, you're right, after a few drinks, I can no longer appreciate the taste of the wine, so I must be after something else…

Dave, good point about comparing myself to my clients! I can always looks at someone who needs supervised rehab and think "well, I am sure as hell nowhere near that bad!!". I don't work specifically in addictions, more general mental health but I also do crisis work, so I see all kinds.

Lynn, like you, I rarely go a night without a drink, although I do go through a "detox" at least twice a year for a week or 2…just to prove I can… This is good incentive because people usually tell me how good I look..then I slip back. I am very body conscious and will save calories for wine…sometimes I say I run for wine :)

Tonight I will stay off the wine and just appreciate the company and the scenery. I do not expect my husband or friends to do the same, this will be my journey…If I drive, I will not drink, this strategy works well for me.

I'll check in tomorrow to let you know how I did :)

June

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Good morning June and welcome. Your story sounds much like mine. Loving the drink that we drink and thinking that because everything else is controlled and in order (diet, exercise, family, job, etc) it gives us permission to drink. If you are like me, you go through the day doing/not doing certain things to allow those drinks at night. I too have tired of being " sick and tired", walking around knowing I am living a lie. Tired of waiting that magic time to allow myself to have a drink. Odd isn't it, we wait all day to do the one think in our life that we KNOW will make us unhappy.

Until a few weeks ago I only had a few days of not drinking in 13 years. Since coming to this site I had 3 occasions of being AF 4+ days, and they all began with that first day. Today is a big day for you and as Dave said, find something to do, anything, just don't drink. Don't look to tomorrow, it will come soon enough. Focus on what you can do tonight other than drink and think about how different you will feel in the morning.

Good luck today and tonight.

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

....No matter how many times I proof a post I always seem make typos! Lol! An edit function after posting would be nice.....just sayin'.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi June,

I think we can ALL relate to your situation. We all have our own "expertise" in this challenge so you'll certainly get a lot of support but the true motivation, as you well know, has got to come form you. It sounds like you want to make the positive change, it's just getting the traction to get that change moving forward. You need not feel bad about your drinking problem based your educational background (I'd really enjoy having a conversation about the subject some time). These problems develop in such a subtle and progressive way that we don't notice and when we start to pay attention we sweep it up the carpet for a long time until the problem is HUGE and then it becomes that push\ pull battle......but you already know that. I think if I we in your shoes I would find it even easier to develop a drinking problem because of my education and work environment. I think I would be less concerned, almost dismissive, that it isn't going to happen to me and I'm smarter than these people. Even worse, I'd have the yard stick of those I'm treating to always compare myself to so my drinking problem would never appear that bad and skew my perspective. But I don't have your degree of expertise and exposure on the subject so that likely doesn't apply to you....... Do you currently treat individuals with addictions? If you are it must be very stressful. Who could blame you if you needed to decompress when you got home. I'm making a lot of assumptions that you're directly involved with addiction treatment for the patients so please correct if I'm wrong. Just wanted to try and come at it from a different angle.

I used to have that social time with my wife after work, while making dinner...etc. That was only a warm-up though because she would go to bed early and I would carry on my merry way until much later. I didn't care for mornings after a while. What I did realize though, after the time I've had not drinking so far, is a lot of my stress and desire to assert control were driven by the problems in our relationship. Things were always relaxed and happy when we were sharing our "social" drink but the other drivers of the problem far out-weighed that social time. Change had to start with myself first because you have about as much success changing someone else as you do by trying to change the shape of their butt by staring at it. It does't happen. They were my problems, not hers, and the artifacts of my family life were seeding my existing problems. Self-exploration can be an interesting and very humorous experience :)

The important thing right now June is you focus on this first day, and then tomorrow, and work through your first week so you give yourself the space to get a real perspective to move forward. If you think the "witching hour" is too tough to take today get out of the house, take your husband with you, and tell him "no drinking" at dinner. Do something, just don't drink.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi June,

Welcome. I’m not a social drinker in the sense that a social drinker only has a few drinks and then can leave it alone until the next social event. I’m not a person that could relax with my husband with “A” glass of wine just to relax. A person who truly “loves” wine does not appreciate its bouquet or flavor by drinking an entire bottle or more. That person likely just loves the buzz even if all other alcohol is shunned. All the excuses I used to drink would fly if…I could stop at a few. I couldn’t, not ever.

For me it came down to self love and self respect. I had lost both and I wanted to feel good about myself again. The only way I could achieve this goal was with total abstinence. The triggers will always be there but are rendered meaningless when weighted against “self”.

Good luck on your journey,

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Just wanted to add one thing that really adds to my shame: I work in mental health. I have a master's degree in counselling psychology and addictions. I counsel people to quit and cut down and I am acutely aware of the health effects of alcohol. How very ironic...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Here I am, once again, full of self-loathing at 5:30 am (I have been up since 4:00 which I understand is a a common "liver wake-up" time for alcoholics).

Having read through these posts, I see I am not alone.

I am one of those "bottle of wine (or 2) a night" alcoholics. The justifications I use for drinking are usually "I love wine so much, it is such a pleasure in my life; I eat well and exercise regularly so alcohol is my only vice; I rarely show the effects; I have a responsible job and take care of my family…so who am I hurting; wine is my social time with my husband….etc etc.

The problem is: I look haggard, I feel haggard and morning me hates night-time me…

I just can't imagine my life without wine (if there is no wine in the house, I will not drink, even if there are other options).

It is a huge part of my social life…..

I hope that someone out there can relate and help me through this transition time. Summer is a deadly time to try and cut down!

My goal for now is to not drink tonight which is going to be a huge trigger night.

Wish me luck!

Thanks, June

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