Thanks Jewel and Dave for your thoughts.  I am a person of habit and for me I do not think that alcohol is anything more than that.  Does that mean I will be able to drink moderately, I don't think so, and that was my initial plan.  Through this time of trying to moderate I am seeing that the "habit" just becomes intensified as I look to the next time to drink.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Jewel. I'm inspired and impressed by your progress and how you are working through it in your mind. Not an easy trip but well worth the ride. You made a really good point about fear. If we look deep enough we can find the primary reason for a drinking problem is fear(s) in all of it's different forms. Alcohol becomes such a self-presribed control mechanism over fear and it's understandable because of the chemical release alcohol stimulates in the brain (endorphins). According to the logic behind the Sinclair Method (a recovery program that uses naltrexone to disrupt this learning process) ......Endorphins are part of the body's reward system for performing healthy behaviors. Sex, exercise, eating, and risk taking generally result in the release of endorphins. The endorphins "teach" the body that the behaviors that were performed prior to the endorphin release are behaviors that should be repeated. Alcohol triggers the release of endorphins into the system, reinforcing drinking behaviour. Continued consumption of alcohol strengthens this reaction....". And what is the body's natural reaction to fear? Endorphin release. When we condition ourselves over time to use it to control fear and anxiety we lose touch with the original reason and add many more, hence the constant triggers.  Often we may not even make the connection at first, such as social anxiety and how drinking relieved it but we need to be social and drinking has become a big part of the social fabric. It's an interesting subject for sure but the important thing to realize is what you are doing right now Jewel is you are re-wiring that programming for yourself. It takes practice and patience and expect some anxiety but anxiety and fear are what got us into this predicament in the first place! I can't stress enough the importance of what you are doing. Great work for sure Jewel and thanks for sharing the strategy! I remember vividly feeling the same way and I really see and feel the significance of it now. One thing I will say, it gets a lot easier. It's like a scale; every time you exercise your self-control over the urge you add another weight in your favour. Eventually, all of the weight and strength will reside on your side so keep doing what you are doing.

Hi Lynn123-I can so relate to what you wrote. I had more anxiety about the thought of not drinking rather than abstaining. I also had fears of what my evening would be like without alcohol. The self-talk was working overtime on me. Yet each day, I'm getting better. I see things more clearly. I'm still very new to living an AF life, but I'm more committed than ever. I've missed out on so much because I chose to be a recluse and stay home and drink. One thing that has helped me is when the negativity and little voice starts up in my head, I work through it and rationalize. And I read on the forum.  Hope that makes sense. I thank God every day for getting me through this. And I'm so thankful to others who really get it. 

Hi Lynn123,

I too am a clock watcher.  I think that was my way of rationalizing that I was in control of alcohol.  As I have been on this journey of moderation I am finding that the actual IDEA of not drinking one night is actually tougher than the evening of no alcohol.  As I think about it I find that I am spending many more hours thinking/fearing not drinking than the actual night of not drinking.  Anyone have thoughts or suggestions about this?

Hi Zoey,

Hi Zoey and welcome!!! Please know you have support here. I'm a few days shy of being 3 weeks AF. My drink of choice was wine. I would drink glass after glass. I was a clock watcher. At a certain time, I'd start up. I was loosing my life. The first few days were extremely difficult, but it gets better. Please take some time to use the tools on this website, and read posts in the forums. Reading has helped me so much. Best of luck! 

I drink every day.  A bottle of wine sometimes open the second one..:(. I exercise lots but it's not hard to see the belly now which comes from all those calories.

I too was petrified, but have made it through my first weekend by preparing well and keeping myself busy. I recorded some of my favourite programmes to watch, and bought a new book. The house has never been so clean, (nor the fridge so empty)! I've found that the sense of achievement in trying is so great that the fear has now disappeared. Good luck to you.