So good to hear from you, Hope and Camiol, and thank you, Sonia. I still feel good about my decision to have one glass of wine last night. My current experiment, courtesy of my husband, could be a good thing in many ways. If it backfires, I promise all of you that I will acknowledge that it isn't working, and move on. As always, my refrain is "I don't know if I can do this." But I do know that I'm finding it really important to check into this site several times a day, which is a very good thing. Thanks, Ladies. You are great.
Camiol, you ask how I felt when I ordered the wine. I was paying special attention to my feelings the whole time, so I can answer that. In fact, get ready for an amusing level of detail that anyone but us would find ludicrous. So, here goes: I had made a promise to myself before dinner that it would be one glass only. I was apprehensive when I ordered it, and even more apprehensive when my husband said, "Would you like to just share a bottle?" I immediately told him that if I can't stick to my promises with myself, then I can't drink at all. He agreed, and then he was totally supportive.
I focused on feeling good about myself, being honest, and not letting the alcohol control me. It didn't surprise me (although I was annoyed) when that inner voice immediately started chiming in "You're drinking! You blew it! Might as well have a whole bottle!" Unbelievably, I even had a quick craving for a cigarette (I SO get you, Camiol). I know it's the negative core belief system that the advisors on this site have been telling us about. Knowing where those voices were coming from, I was actually able to put those destructive thoughts aside pretty easily last night, so THANK YOU Ashley, Vicenza, and Sonia.
Also, I kept thinking about Monica's wonderful advice: "Relapse doesn't begin when we take that first sip, but when the obsession begins." That has been so true with all of my obsessions. With the eating, I have managed to get to a point where I can pretty much eat what I like (because, you know, you gotta eat) without eating everything in front of me. It took a long time to get here, but I did it because I know I have to. I am trying to focus on doing the same with red wine.
With all that said, I thoroughly enjoyed my single glass of wine, from first sip to last, and I don't feel bad about myself this morning. I don't think I would be at this point without you all, and I am taking one cautious day at a time as I navigate this territory.
and plan ahead for it, and I am looking forward to that! Camiol, you might consider getting an amethyst pendant to wear as a reminder to always plan your drinking and not let it get out of control. Silly, but it could be powerful if you let it be.
