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12 years ago 0 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Athena,
It's all so true.  One of the things I'm doing this time that I've never done before is slowly making my way through all my friends and co-workers and telling them that I've quit drinking.  I've never done that before ... I think partly because I knew if I messed up, no one would really know what I had been trying to accomplish.
 
I find it will help when the time comes for us to go out.  I hate the thought of ordering a pepsi or something and everyone going, "WHAT?  no wine?"   Hate the thought of being put on the spot like that, so this way most people will know I've quit and leave me alone.  I also think I will reward myself (like they suggest on here) and order an awesome dessert.  I've never had an issue with food, and I exercise, so I figure better to go with a sweet sugary dessert than alcohol.
 
Athena, you are so brave and amazing for attending the meetings.   One of the reasons I'm so determined to quit on my own is I REALLY don't want to go to meetings.  So every time I think about a drink I will remind myself I have only two options.  Drink and spend my evenings at AA meetings ... or not drink and enjoy my evenings doing my favourite things.
 
I am at 11 days now, and no withdrawals symptoms since day 8.  Feels SO good.   I haven't gone 11 days in 3 years probably, so everything's looking up.  I even have a job interview this week in the morning and I'm not freaked out because I know I won't be hungover or anxious!   I wish so much for everyone on here that they could experience this.  Get to a point where you feel healthy again, and hopeful about the future.
 
Athena, I'm not sure what you do for a living, but you could very well make a great councellor.  Your writing is excellent and based on all the people you respond to, you obviously care a great deal about people.   I think one of the (many) reasons I drink, is that alot of people come to me with their problems and I'm willing to listen.  But it exhausts me at times, and I crave a drink to give me more mental and social stamina.   In the end, I realize I'm an introvert, and that's why I need alot of alone time.  Now that I understand that, I will give myself the time, and not reach for a drink.
 
Please stay strong as well.  I know you can do this!
 
p.s. I've been wanting to tell all the parents out there, that I grew up with two of the kindest, sweetest parents in the world and they did not drink.  There was never any alcohol in the house.   And yet, out of three children, they got two alcoholics.   A few of my friends admitted to me recently that the reason they don't drink is because one of their parents was a heavy drinker.   I just know that we are all too hard on ourselves, and it must be 10 times worse if you have kids.  But honestly, go easy on yourselves.   Parenting is the hardest job in the world, that's why I was too chicken to try it!  :-)
 
Chris
 
12 years ago 0 171 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Chris,
 
I can so relate to what you said about realizing that you have to stop drinking completely.  It has taken me 2 1/2 years to get from first asking for help to beginning to accept the potenial of a new reality without drinking at all.  But the more I learn about the journeys of other people, the more it is becoming so clear, that for some of us, "just one drink" will inevitably lead to a downward spiral.  I have a lot of living left to do and it is time to stop wasting the years away.  Not just the hours lost to oblivion, but also the hours and hours and hours trying to keep going under the weight of the sadness caused by a hangover.
 
I went to my second Women for Sobriety meeting tonight.  A very welcoming group of women, with so much experience and wisdom to share. It is such a relief to be able talk, and even laugh, about something I have kept hidden for so long.
 
Stay strong.  You are right that it takes a while to get the alcohol out of your system,  I hope that you are feeling better soon.
 
Athena
 
12 years ago 0 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
oops it cut me off.  I'll just finish.
 
I was going to say it's been common in the past for me to get pretty depressed at the thought of never having another drink again, but I'm determined this time around to remember it's far more depressing to imagine a future full of hangovers.  And when I'm hungover, well, as you know it's full on sadness and sickness.   I haven't read my first post on here for awhile, but I have a feeling I won't even recognize myself.
 
Take care everyone.
 
12 years ago 0 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi!
I wanted to reply to everyone's helpful emails earlier, but I've been working more than usual.  Which is a good thing - I don't think much about drinking while at work.  I just finished Day 6, and I feel good, although I still feel a little bit jittery and anxious (not sure how else to describe it - like electrical currents in your blood stream).  I would be more worried it was something else, but I think last time it took a full 7 days to feel relaxed and normal again.  So no point in getting stressed.
The main reason I have such confidence that I can beat this (this time around), is that I am finally at peace with the fact that I have to quit drinking completely.  I've wasted so much energy in the last 2 years trying to control it and learn to stop at one; and I finally know that's not a reality for me.  I told another friend via email, and she insisted that we have dinner as soon as possible.  We met up in a little italian restaurant near home tonight, and I had pasta and WATER!  Big step.  I know it's hard to tell friends, but I don't actually say, "hey, I'm an alcoholic" (which I know I am).  I just say, "I've decided to quit drinking.  I'm tired of being hungover, and I'm really determined to stop."
So far everyone's understood what I'm really saying and they are quick to support.   I'll let you know when I meet up with some peer pressure though.
 
Vincenza:  I haven't actually put the "X's" on the calendar yet!  but I suppose I should.  I keep the number in my head alot though. 
Foxman:  I have read everything you've recommended, and I agree with everything you've posted.  When my friend asked tonight, "Are you sure you can't find a way to have just one?"  I firmly answered, "no".  I explained it's more annoying to sit there all night thinking about the second drink, than going cold turkey.  I appreciate your input!
 
Krissy:  I have experienced those kind of pubs!  :-)  But not in awhile.  Drinks are very expensive in the city, and my friends don't have much money.  To be honest, I didn't mean to make it sound like I go out a lot. I actually only go out about twice a month.  I guess I brought it up because it worried me more than other situations. And I tend to follow it with 3 or 4 nights of drinking at home when I normally wouldn't have.  The worst situation for me is house parties.  When the host keeps an eye on your drink and "graciously" keep refilling it.  Honestly, that's where I get the most drunk, because I can't keep track.  So I will just avoid those in the future.  As you say, "AVOID".  Good advice.  Hope things are still on track for you!
 
Athena:  thank you so much for your response.  You put alot of time into this, and I appreciate it.  You are 'right on' about thinking of alcohol as a toxic.   My brother actually was much worse than me in his early years, but after sinking to the bottom of the barrel, he went to a recovery center, later AA, and now has been sober for 20 years.  He actually doesn't even attend meetings anymore.  he thinks of it as a poison to his brain, and won't even eat a dish if someone has cooked with wine or beer and put it in the food.  he's completely scared of it.
And speaking of family members - yes, family get togethers are a big trigger for me.  To make a long story short, some of them drive me crazy, and Christmas and Easter can be very difficult to get through. (you put it much better though!)
I wish you wouldn't wallow in self pity considering how much you have to offer.  I understand though, because I know after day 8, I'll probably face a bit of depression.  It h
12 years ago 0 171 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi everyone,
It's great to see so many people posting.  I helps us all to know that we are not alone.
 
Chris, congratulations on opening up to some friends.  That is something I haven't had the sourage to do yet.  I have opened up to my doctor and other professionals and two weeks ago I went to my first support group meeting, but I still haven't had the courage to tell anyone I actually know.
 
I am only three weeks sober, but for what its worth, these are some of the things that have kept me going.
 
- I try to think of alcohol as toxic.  I have finally come to accept that I cannot stop at just one drink and when my thoughts start telling me that I can, I don't believe them.  Kind of like a diabetic can't have the chocolate cake - no matter how good it looks.
- I try to avoid looking at images of anything to do with drinking - I actually turn away, if I see a picture of a bottle, or a wine glass in a stor.
- somewhere I learned the phrase "banned from my hand".  That's what I tell myself when I am tempted to give in at a restaurant, or when my mother is drinking wine. Banned from my hand - I don't touch it, I don't taste it and if possible, I don't look at it.  This may not be practical in the long term, but for now, it's helping.
- I am attending support groups and it is an unbelievable relief to hear that others are struggling with the same challenges.
- I am trying to change my routines so that I can eliminate some of the triggers.  For example, on Sunday afternoons, I usually start drinking early.  Now I plan to be out with my kids doing something active like swimming or cycling on Sunday afternoons.
- I am avoiding conflicts with family members - not a realistic long term strategy I know, but I need to be able to think clearly and try to get some emotional equilibrium before I start working on the issues that got me into this situation in the first place.
- I am truly taking one day at a time.
 
And probably most importantly, I am checkin in here regularly to see how others are doing, get some perspective and words of wisdom and avoid wallowing in self pity.
 
Athena
 
 
 
12 years ago 0 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I don't know how bars or pubs work where You are from.  But that is one place i need to stay away from.  I go to my local bar and people are buying drinks left and right.  Than i want more, than there is no turning back.  I get to that point where I either go all the way or go home.  It is usually all the way.  When i am in that situation I just keep drinking and that is when things turn bad...i make alot of bad decisions.  So for me I try to AVOID.  

I have done very good this weekend and so far this week.  I hope to continue.  I even feel so much better...
12 years ago 0 1562 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello Chris:

Even in a restaurant or pub where it's so expensive, sometimes you just bring enough for a couple drinks, but then, as usual, I want more and either borrow money from a friend, or use the credit card.

In AA we call this the physical craving, after we put the 1st drink in the body something happens in our body and we keep drinking after that. 

Actually, they always want the food, it's me who wants the wine!  :-)

This is the obsession of the mind. We are either think of drinking or think of how to not drink. 

 I'm anxious, irritable, and have no patience with people

 This is the spiritual malady. This is the main reason we go back out and pick that 1st drink and then the physical craving kicks in and we end up drunk. 

12 years ago 0 1853 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Chris,
 
I'm so glad to hear you were able to tell some close friends about your goal to quit drinking.  It takes courage to open yourself up in what can be a vulnerable situation.  It sounds like you have a couple more great people in your support network. 
Have you been marking your alcohol-free days in some way?  Like marking it on a calendar for example?  Creating visual remindes of your accomplishments each day is a great motivator and it is extra rewarding to see how far you've come!
 Keep it up!


Vincenza, Health Educator
12 years ago 0 9 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It's good to hear from everyone.  I've actually tried the "cutting down" thing for a year now.  A big step for me this week was realizing it's just not working.   Even in a restaurant or pub where it's so expensive, sometimes you just bring enough for a couple drinks, but then, as usual, I want more and either borrow money from a friend, or use the credit card.
The latest thing I was going to try, was to accept that I can't stop at one, but only allow myself to party/get drunk once a week.  But twice this year it has lead to me dealing with the hangover by going out and buying more, and continuing to drink for 4 nights in a row.
 
I have finished three days now without drinking.  Physically, it was difficult.  This is the main reason I want to quit.  I find this new withdrawal thing I've had in the last couple years is awful.  I'm anxious, irritable, and have no patience with people.  This is nothing like me.  Everyone describes me as a very easy going, happy person to be around.  I'm not sure, maybe this happens to everyone once they hit 40.  Maybe your nervous system says "enough is enough"!   The anxiety that drinking is now causing is even worse than an average hangover to me.  I thought I was losing my mind to be honest until I finally clued in and started to research the affects of heavy drinking.
 
Today was another big step in that I told two of my good friends that I was very determined to quit for good.  A friend who has known me for 20 years was genuinely surprised that I have a problem.  "I knew you liked to drink, but I just thought it was all in fun?!"   When he found out I drink alone quite a few nights, he finally believed me.  I think he's a bit upset (for me) and shocked, so I hope we can talk more.  The other good friend wasn't too surprised, as we travelled together alot.   He's very excited for me though, and keeps reminding me that no one is perfect, and not to be so hard on myself.  I never really got TOO drunk while travelling - too much to see and do, but I did apologize for all the hangovers I had in those travels.   I said imagine if I can get up early now and make breakfast!
The only time we ever had arguments was when I drank too much also, which is yet another good reason to quit.
 
VINCENZA - yes, you are right, I think for the first 7-8 days, I shall avoid the pubs and after work get togethers.  This is when my system is really craving more.   When I get to 8 days, and hopefully am feeling good and healthy again, I MUST remind myself over and over how good it feels.  In the past I told myself, "well, now you're fine - it's been 8 days, go out for drinks".   Having spriralled down twice this year with that attitude, I have to stop that line of thinking.  Tonight, someone was trying to suggest drinks after work, and I said, "how about next week?"  Actually, they always want the food, it's me who wants the wine!  :-)   So I can't blame the work group.   This web-site suggests formulating a plan before the situation arrises, and that's what I did, and will continue to do!
 
Krissy and Mom 1968 and purpose.  Continue to communicate, I really think it helps.  I also think it's important to come up with more hobbies, and things to keep us busy.   Boredom is apparently one of the top reasons that women drink too much (alone especially).   Sorry this was so long.  I'm actually really tired, so I hope it made some sense.
Good night and all the best with the rest of the weekend!
 
 
 
 
 
12 years ago 0 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Just want to say I made it, friday night I did not have a drink...I can' t believe it.  It has been years since I have not drank on a friday night.  I was actually up at 7:30 working around the house.  It was awesome!  

And today...my sister is tearing her house down...went and worked my _ _ _ off.   And had a few and said it was time to go.  That was good and usual for me.  I would usually stay until the last beer.  I am proud today!  Words cannot explain how i feel.  And why do I feel this way?  I have no idea.  No guilt....no nothing...just smiling!

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