Hey everyone.
I am new here and I like the online format of annonymity. I am sort of put off by actually going to an AA meeting. I have recently just admitted to myself that I have a problem, despite numerous indicators for years that things were off the rails. But because I never let my work/school life suffer, and I still manage to go to the gym 5 times a week and look outwardly "normal", I have hidden it from many people. I went from heavy illicit (coke, ex, crystal meth) use in University to just alcohol use now. I thought it was fine and even somewhat normal to drink 5+ drinks a night. I hang around people where frequent patio drinking, danceclubs, etc are common. I convinced myself somewhere along the line that in order to be witty I would have to have a few drinks to open up. I then believed that in order for me to find anyone else witty and not completely boring, I'd have to be have drunk. I realize now that I have given up on a lot of things I used to find enjoyable, because I work on getting a buzz shortly after I get home from work. I have blacked out, broken bones, alienated people, had dangerous flings with guys, etc. All things which have never have occured had I been sober.
It came to a head this week where I stumbled upon a letter my mother had written me and was going to send for my birthday in a few weeks. Basically it was this emotional tirade about how my incessant partying is affecting her and my father and my brother and how I am ruining my health and should turn to God for support. I was raised in a strict religious home and while I agree that I need help, I am not too keen on turning back to religion (personal reasons). Anyhow, while I appreciate the acknowledgement that I have a problem, I resent the fact that they didn't just talk to me about it. Now I feel like they are being condescending, and talking about me behind my back, and I am reluctant to go to my family for support.
On the positive side, I have found this community. This is a lot of tedious rambling, I am just wondering if there is anyone else out there who feels this way, and maybe wants to chat or something about this sort of thing.
