I decided to stop drinking on Tuesday morning after my last drink and have had the worst withdrawals of my life since then. Met with my sponsor and felt desperate enough to stop drinking again. I had a pretty good afternoon and felt myself thinking forward about life, and have pretty much gotten through the early withdrawals so I felt pretty good today. Well, a friend of mine stopped by unannounced with a case of beer and vwala- Im drinking. I simply cannot stop drinking. I will be thrown out of my apartment in about a month and i have a slew of other reasons to NOT drink and yet here i am deciding that one more night of getting hammered is a good decision. How does that work? Just got a call from my sponsor who thinks that i have been sober since Tuesday, and he said "Adam, I hope your feeling better..etc...And if you are drinking right now, STOP and go to a meeting, or come to the 7am meeting in the morning"- What a wonderful person he is, and how guilty i feel for telling him i wanna stop and then drinking...must be 20 times now i have said and done that in the last year. Whatever, all i can say is this is such a baffling thing, this alcoholism. I dont know what im going to do. Oh, I can tell you that I want to stop drinking, and I mean it, but what does that impetus get me? Where does it leave me? In the same place every time. The insanity of it all is unbelievable. How a person can go through what I've gone through and what so many others have and yet that person can still CHOOSE to pick up that bottle again. Its sickening is what it is. Kelly, keep going to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, pray, do whatever it takes NOT to drink