Hi All,
I signed up today and have been reading the forums.
I have been seriously struggling with an alcohol addiction for the last 5 or 6 years. It has become progressively worse and has cost me a lot in terms of relationships and quality of life. I am now witnessing it cost me the most important relationship I currently have going for me, in the form of my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She must see something good in me, as she has recently found out about my booze abuse (but she/we only construe as a symptom of my diagnosed and "treated" depression -- but what comes first right ... chicken or egg? )
I don't feel I can fully confide in her, as to do so would engender the risk of her deciding this is too much. But for her, and probably more importantly for myself, I don't want to have this governing my life as it does now. But it does. I have zero will power when it comes to alcohol. I drink daily, except for when she and I are together (we live apart but move in together in September). We argue when I have been drinking, although I try to pass off my combative state as due to depression or a bad day. She sometimes smells it on me. I deny, deny, deny. But she's dead on every time.
I don't want to go to AA, for personal reasons, but want to stop drinking entirely (after the first sip I have nothing) . I want control back. But my will power does not correspond. Worse, I don't know if I'm ready yet!!!
Sorry for the length of the post. Thank you for listening.