I'm in my hometown for the weekend for a high school friend's wedding. I grew up in a part of the country where EVERYBODY smokes (in fact, I think my home state has one of the highest percentages of smokers nationwide) and most of my high school friends still do. I know this is going to be a challenge. In fact, the first time I broke one of my past unsuccessful quits was at home over the holidays at a bar with friends. I thought I could have "just one." I learned my lesson, but I remember how strong the temptation was.
I eased in last night with drinks with one of my oldest, dearest friends. He still smokes, but thanks to his partner he's been off and on for the past few years, so he understands quitting. He'd step outside to have one without me, and I'd just check my e-mail on my phone or something. I felt such a strong desire, especially toward the end of the evening, to go out with him and be on the street giggling and smoking like the old days. We've been doing stuff like this since we were eighteen and discovered that one of the local pizzerias didn't check IDs! But I held out, and this morning I am really glad I did. I know how mad at myself I would be if I'd even had a few drags of one of his.
That was a good lesson because the temptation has only just begun. Tonight some friends are gigging at this dive bar we always go to, so you know the smoking will be heavy, and Saturday night after the wedding we're all going to a bonfire! It is almost as if the events were ARRANGED to make it hard for me not to smoke, although I know they weren't . . . they were just arranged to make it easy for everyone else to smoke.
I'm awfully grateful not to live here anymore, because smoking is so normalized. Everyone does it, and those who don't would never dare say it if smoking bothered them because they know they are in the minority. When people don't act as if something is dangerous and unhealthy, it doesn't really seem as if it is. I know some of my friends here are looking to quit soon (one has kids already, and one wants to start trying) and I can't imagine how hard it is going to be for them.
I made it through one night, so that's good. I just have to remember how I feel this morning: so glad that I don't have a scratchiness in my throat or the smell of old smoke in my hair. So glad that I didn't start myself back down the path to being addicted again, all for the sake of one "fun" moment with a friend when we were having plenty of fun inside without smoking anyway.
