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My rmmate smokes

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

Drinking and smoking go hand in hand. I found it easier because bars don't allow smoking anymore where I come from.I actually cut down on my drinking because I seemed to drink more when I smoked ( everybody is different though ) They say the risk of cancer increases when both are combined !

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 186

Hi.My other half still smoked when I quit so I can relate to your added stress.

Remind yourself of the importance of your quit and how far you have come.

Quitting is life changing no matter what the addiction is.

You may have to make changes in your lifestyle now to keep your quit and as you get stronger

you may go back to them but as a non smoker.

I believe in communication so I would let my roommate know how I feel and what I need.

If she is facing another demon it may help her as well.

Good luck and I hope you can help each other.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

I appreciate these words of advice- incredibly helpful. I think she may also be very unhappy with herself and her life, so it's hard for her to see me be healthier and quit smoking. She wants to quit, too, but it's a matter of her first getting help with her drinking before she could quit smoking. It's very difficult to see her go through all this but until she seeks help there's really nothing I can do.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1140

There is a tendency for smokers to seek comradery with other smokers. Unfortunately, that can sometimes lead a current smoker to try to "share" with someone who has quit.

I remember being bummed out when my best friend quit (about 5 years before I did). Although I did wish for our old "smoking buddy" relationship, I did refrain from offering her cigarettes or trying to undermine her quit. I knew that she had struggled with quitting for a few rounds and was serious. I didn't want to undermine her attempt to move towards a healthier life. Even though I didn't like it or really understand it, I knew that a good friend should support her friends. At the very least, a good friend should not interfere with her friends' reasonable and positive goals. ...In a way, my self restraint kind of paid off. Over time, her decision to quit (along with her husband) caused me to reflect a bit more on my own habit. This was one of the factors that ultimately led me down the quitting path.

So, back to your dilemma. I agree that you need to communicate with your roommate that you are serious about your quit. She is in an entirely different state of mind than you. My guess is that she hasn't thought a whole lot about her own addiction and has little understanding of some of the laws of addiction, namely that 1 cigarette can very easily lead to a total relapse. I had no understanding of this myself until I started to quit and did some reading. Perhaps if you explain to her that even a single cigarette can derail you whole quit, she can understand.

...Another thing that you could try is saying that, since you quit, a single cigarette triggers a very bad reaction for you. It is true, since relapse is a very bad reaction.

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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi dsb8551,

It sounds like your roomate might be in a really difficult place at the moment, dealing with a variety of hardships (addiction, toxic relationship.etc) It may somehow make here feel better to see you giving in to smoking even though she knows very well that you quit.At this time is very imperative that you protect your quit and have a conversation with your roomate about how serious you are about this decision and how she can help, you can always ask her how you can help her in return.etc

Hopefully sticking to your decision will be a great example to show her that it is possible to make life changing decisions.

Well I hope that you find a good balance and things work out for you to.

Stay strong, stay smoke-free!

Samantha, Health Educator

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

She offers me cigarettes all the time, and sometimes I have taken her up on the offer or just asked her for one. But she knows I quit, so I don't understand why she would still offer them to me? We don't even have much fun hanging out at this point either- she's always depressed or just has a bad attitude. (She is currently trying to quit drinking, because she struggles with alcoholism. She also is in a toxic relationship with a guy who won't technically 'date her' so she is always over at his place.) Anyone have a friend like this? She only recently admitted to me she thinks she has a drinking problem, too. I'm just not sure how she's seeing the world, because I've never been addicted to alcohol. Any perspective or anything would be great!

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My rmmate smokes