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Empty Pockets Full of Soul

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Working On It

Well it sounds as if you are dealing with all of these things well. I wish cessation could be easier, but it is not a passive activity. As we come up against the things that tear us to pieces, we must remember how strong we really are. No matter what happens around or in us, we do not need to smoke. I think it might be a bit like muscle memory. The more we practice a repetitive motion, the more that motion lives in the realm of the unconscious. If it is done often enough, the doing becomes a natural way of being. It is no longer a chore. I know that you will reach that point with regard to smoking if you just continue to believe in yourself.

Keep moving forward and always remember that you are not alone. Many here share your desire.

stay well

nonic

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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1140

Thanks again, nonic. Your posts seem to come up when I'm having a rough time of it. Today was about loss and sadness for me. Still upset over the loss of my pet last week. I have also been struggling internally with a relationship that ended a couple of months ago. He has still been sending emails that I have not been responding to; today, I finally did something to slam the door shut on that one. Then I slept for most of the day. In late afternoon, I went outside and finally emptied out some of the pots from plants that died in the summer heat and cleaned out a bunch of dead leaves on my patio. ...Basically, feeling sad and clearing out a bunch of old, dead stuff today.

Oddly, I haven't thought about smoking today at all. In years past, I probably would have done something similar, while stopping to choke about 20 cigs down through out the day. Instead, I am now crying a little. The crying is something I'm not entirely used to. There has been a lot more of that since I quit. I've been figuring that it does have to do with returning to the human race--having some feelings/ pain that I was able to drown with nicotine in the past.

Thanks for the reminder that this, too, shall pass.

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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Matthew:

Yes indeed, ritual plays a big part in smoking...Once upon a time in my younger days, I could light a match with one hand and spark up a square all in one motion, while driving a vehicle at speed...Quite a dangerous maneuver to say the least...But it was a different time...

Ritual and smoking play a huge part in tamping down the old base emotions...That is why cessation is not a passive activity...I really had no idea of how much I was using cigarettes as a way of dealing with the me that I am...It was not until the pocket was empty that I realized how much soul I had been ignoring. That is why many folks have difficulty with this addiction. That thin blue veil, hides a lot of unresolved stuff that now needs to be handled in a different way...But once one sets the mind to the task of quitting, it is possible to recognize those pesky emotions and deal with them in an alternative manner...For a good over view of this read Todash's "So this is what an emotion feels like"...It is an old post, but one that speaks well to the issue...

stay well

nonic

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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 218

Hi Nonic,

Well said, as someone who has never smoked it is interesting to hear how having that pack in your pocket can take somewhat of a strangle hold on your emotions. Thanks for sharing about acceptance as well, something we can all use in many aspects of life. At that point it allows one to realize where they stand and provides a starting point to move forward.

Anyone else have any stories of acceptance?

Feel free to share

Matthew - Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

For years I kept my sadness in my top
pocket. I did it so much that even after years of cessation when I am
confronted by an unsettling situation my right hand instinctively wanders
there. It is as if I am an amputee who still senses the presence of a
missing limb. But I am a non-smoker and as such that pocket is
empty. My reflective action is futile, I no longer carry my sadness in my
top pocket, I carry it instead in my heart. It is in the heart and its sister soul
that lays the path to cessation. My body is no longer addicted to smoking, but
the impulses that drove me to adopt the suicidal smoking path still exist as
parts of the being I call me.

For many of us (perhaps not all), smoking was a
way of diminishing the external appearance of the internal struggle that goes
on in all human souls. It elevated our moods, so that whatever discord raged
within did not reach the surface. It made everything “seem” all
right. But deep within our center of reason, we knew that everything was
not all right because the naked truth was that with each puff we were killing
ourselves. In many ways we were killing the vessel in order to avoid
experiencing the soul.

For me cessation is about acceptance.
Accepting that in many ways we are imperfect creatures searching for a perfect
path. We become angry sometimes, we have moments of sadness, we often
experience frustration, and we are many times alone. But we must not
allow these temporary situations to drive us to destructive behaviors such as
the one we all share. Instead we should laugh and understand that we are
all flawed. And somewhere in our limited nature is the ability to look
out with wide wonder at the world that makes up our reality.

Do not keep your sadness in your top
pocket. Keep it in your heart and understand that you have the ability to
experience that sadness. In the moment of your trials it may seem
unbearable, yes I do not deny that. But the key word here is seem.
All sadness and frustration eventually dissipate, all fear eventually is put to
rest, and anxiety will fade. The question we must ask is “What will be
left of us when these things have passed?” If we continue to deny our being by
smoking, we will hasten the destruction of our temporal homes. I do not
intend to do that. I hope that you doing well today and finding the courage to carry on in a spirit of hope and anticipation.

stay well

nonic

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Empty Pockets Full of Soul