Hi all,
I am a new member to the website and my official quit date was this past Monday. How am I doing? Absolutely awful! This sucks so bad. I know that it will get better but right now it's like a glass of torture!
I'm sitting here at work and I have a ton of work to do but I can't seem to focus because smoking or actually not smoking is all that's on my mind. I keep thinking if only I could be a month smoke-free then I won't feel like this. I know this is the worst thinking ever. I know it's all about taking it a second, a minute, a day at a time, however, I'm not rationally thinking right now and that's driving me crazy as well.
I've been asmoker since I was about 14 years old. If you asked me why I started, my answer would always be I don't know. I never believed it was to look cool but now that I think about it what other logical reason is there for a 14 year old to start smoking? So I guess it was to look cool. Now I am 36 years old and it doesn't look so cool anymore. Come to think of it, I'm sure it didn't look cool back at 14 either. So yeah, I decided to quit smoking because what it comes down to is I don't want to die anytime soon. Cancer runs rampant through my family so the chips are against me already, why help my odds of getting cancer.
I have been using all the tools that this website has to offer and it all makes perfect sense. All the reasons are spot on as to why I shouldn't be smoking. So why am I so miserable? I'm depressed, edgy, and just sad all the time now. I try not to be nasty to other people but man oh man it's hard.
So as hard as it has been, I'm proud of myself and know I can do this if I really want to. My big, big problem is that my husband smokes. Not only does he smoke but he works from home and we've always smoked at home. So now I'm not smoking and he's smoking in the house. The smell is gross and tempting at the same time. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't smoke around me. He told me the other day that he's going to quit too and that maybe we should quit together. I asked him when that would be and he said January 1, 2011. I told him I can't wait that long. I've started this and put my mind to it and I can't just go back because that's when he'll be ready to quit. It's not about him, it's about me and taking care of myself. He travels alot for work, so the good thing is he'll be away for the next couple of days so the urge to smoke will hopefully lessen a little bit. I want him to quit but I don't want to force him because he won't be successful if he's doing this for me and not himself.
Ok so basically I've been babbling for the last couple of paragraphs and I apologize to anyone who had the misfortune of opening this up. However, if you did open this up, please tell me it will get better and I will go back to being me.
Thanks,
Fozzy5
