The other day I was searching through some very old posts for leelaknight. I either kept them because they could inspire me, or because they made me laugh, or just because I liked them. Unfortunately, in most cases, I deleted the name of the person who wrote them. It may be from another quitter, or from a Moderator, I've no idea. Sorry!
It occurred to me that, as they are from way back, some of them might be of use to newer quitters. I'll put one in this Forum from time to time under the title "Help from the Past" I warn you, some are very long.
An older quitter on the patch and Zyban/Wellbutrin this time, writes that despite a quit going into the fourth week, he is still very much feeling that he is missing his left arm. He is bothered by this constant feeling and can't seem to move to the next place.
Well first of all, four weeks is worth my heartiest congratulations!
This 'something missing' is a common feeling with which every quitter has to deal. That's what addiction is all about, depending on a substance to control our lives. Some quitters have smoked for forty years, so that feeling is a common one. Getting from that place to one where we are in control is a process that takes a while. At first there is the realization that something is controlling us. We are angry, we bargain, we play games, denying it and sometimes accepting it. We mourn the loss of our faithful companion, even though that companion was not good for us. Until we get to the place of resolved acceptance and determination, we may return to the other phases, such as anger and bargaining, and place our quit in serious risk of self-sabotage.
I don't pretend to have all the answers to this. I wonder though whether attitude going into a quit has something to do with it. Preparation is the key. I'm wondering if a reluctant quitter, like one who feels pressured to quit by the family, doctor, society and friends, and who thus harbours some resistance to the change isn't still carrying that internal resistance around, unresolved.
A quitter who starts off with a determined attitude and defies the addiction from the onset seems to have an easier time of it, from my observations of quitters on this site. That doesn't mean that their quit is easy, but they seem to be embracing a life change as opposed to running 'kicking and screaming' to the winner's circle.
It's not easy to 'let go', especially if we are reluctant to do so in the first place, and especially if we have a set routine to our lives, built up over many years. Quitting is a loss, no question about it. We have to be conscious though of how much energy we are spending on mourning as opposed to building a new lifestyle and moving forward to the gains we are acquiring. Maybe this is the area of your quit that needs more work?
There are people who have always been hard on themselves. Sometimes people will post such things as "I am so stupid," or some such negative putdown of themselves. This is negative self-talk. You don't like other people talking to you this way, so why do it to yourself? Be really conscious of this and work on substituting positive statements for talk such as this.
Anyone who quits and goes through withdrawal is a winner. It takes character and strength. So, Quitter, be your own best friend. Talk nicely to yourself. Really praise yourself for your month-long accomplishment. You are really something. Believe it, and reinforce it with rewards, even little ones that give you a pat on the back. Give yourself permission to be admired by those who want to quit and who have not yet made the decision to do so. Allow your friends and family to praise and admire you. You really are worthy of it.
I intend to see if there is a general feeling or need on sitefor a particular subject then I'll search through the ones I have and see what fits.
