deb.......I feel good.....and....It is getting easier......
I have developed a new habit of saying N.O.P.E. and it honestly is easier to do it each time. I still have thoughts of smoking. When I walk into the garage and smell Ann's smoke, see her cigs and lighter laying there......I have a crave. Lately, I have been having a crave when I finish something and get up to walk in another room....."ie".....when I get up from here and walk out on the back porch for example.
The craves aren't like they were when I was at 50-70 days though. Those were HARD...Like a last-ditch, really hard effort to get me back smoking. Now.....more of a second thought type thing.....if that makes any sense. Easy to brush aside but still strong enough to get my attention. I haven't reached the point where I don't have to respond or talk to myself yet.
I believe that we have to go through a full year of craves and triggers before the REAL healing starts. Each of us is going to act and react differently as we do that. Some simply do it.....others have a harder time.......the common factor is the desire to be smoke-free and how each of us handles that desire. I know now that my desire to BE smokeless is going to win. It's just a realization that hits you. A lot like PB's realization that he is a non-smoker now......as opposed to a Quitter. We'll each have our way to describe it......and act on it.
I'm still a Quitter....and damn proud of it. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's so easy for me to understand relapses. Whenever they happen...I've been sooooo close but I was able to hang on and stay Quit. I can only say that I hope every relapser comes back and Quits again........if they don't......then they lost to the addict.
I couldn't handle losing to my addict after beating it this far........That keeps me Quit.
I say again that each and every one of you is responsible for where I am. Your support, your desire to Quit, your telling it like it is all added to my Quit. Oldies and Newbies alike.
Yes.....I had to say N.O.P.E. and Yes......I was alone doing that a lot....and Yes......I fought hard.......but you were all there helping as I kept on keepin on. Thank You.
My Milage:My Quit Date: 1/27/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 183
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 5,490
Amount Saved: $768.60
Life Gained:Days: 38
Hrs: 7
Mins: 40
Seconds: 43
