Seems like I am usually a happy, full of advice and smiles guy, but every so often I do a complaint thread, as this seems to be a good place to air, to vent and to whine... We have all been there, so it makes the empathy easier. Anyways, last night, took a relaxing bath, and my patch came off... I wear them for 24 hours, but I said, eh, it happens, slept without it.
Man, did I wake up ANGRY! I always feel the anger is just depression with enthusiasm. Craving a cigarette, but even more, craving an argument! I am holding myself from emoting all over the place, but work hasn't been good recently and that makes it harder.
No one knows but my wife (and now all of you) but I have applied to a program to be certified as a teacher, and to leave the head hunting business forever. I have the final interview Jan 24th. It would start in June and I'd start in a classroom in September... I think a lot of my quitting smoking and losing weight is because this has made me feel better about myself and my life-options.
So, even with so much success towards my goals, I am still angry, grumpy and craving, craving, craving.... I know it is the addiction, the chemicals, and the withdrawl. I know I am not alone but, still, I feel alone.
I tend to close my posts with song quotes, but today, I will give you a FULL poem... It is one of my faves, and suits my mood....
William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)
THE SECOND COMING
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
My Milage:My Quit Date: 12/6/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 31
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,240
Amount Saved: $558.00
Life Gained:Days: 4
Hrs: 2
Mins: 49
Seconds: 28
