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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 816

Lil Whatever it takes. If I have to be on here all night I'll be here for you ok. Don
My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/11/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 15
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 750
Amount Saved: $360.00
Life Gained:
Days: 2 Hrs: 20 Mins: 32 Seconds: 14

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

Breather

Thank you for your post and thank you for saying that you care. I needed to hear that tonight ... and now I am crying like a stoopid wee girl ... and if you knew anything about me ... you would know that this hard assed Scots woman is not one usually given to crying ... or anything else that may alert others to any kind of emotional vulnerability ... but I am a big softie underneath this steely exterior (just don't tell anyone else!)

And no ... it isn't too late ... and what did I do in my hour of need?? ... I cleaned my oven!!!! ... I cried a lot whilst doing it but my wash gloves are water proof ... so now I have eyes that are all swollen and puffy ... but my oven looks like a shiny new pin!!!! ... and I still haven't smoked ... but as you know, this is such a struggle ... and my energies are depleted. I feel in a catch 22 situation ... I don't want to go back ... but I can't bear the mental torture of this addiction, I just don't think that I am strong enough.

Thank you SO much for getting back to me ... I needed to hear from someone tonight and I am glad it was you.

Take Care

Lil x

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 10/19/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 38
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 570
Amount Saved: �168.15
Life Gained:
Days: 3 Hrs: 11 Mins: 16 Seconds: 58

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 816

Hi Lil I hope it isn't too late. If it isn't " don't do it ". Put that thought right out of your head. It's not surprising that you're right around six weeks. I know you want one more now than you probably ever did. I did too. I lasted six weeks twice and went back. You can do this thing. You can. This might be the hardest thing right now but you're being tested. Think about it. Do you want to blow nearly forty days? Ask somebody with cancer if they think you should have a cigarette. You know what the answer is. It's the nature of the disease. You never have to go through this again if you don't smoke. See past the moment. Going back starts the addiction all over again. I know you don't want it. You've already gone through the worst. You never have to go through it again if you don't want to. If I have to beg you I will. Please , please Lil , don't smoke. We care about you and don't want anything to happen to you.
My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/11/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 15
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 750
Amount Saved: $360.00
Life Gained:
Days: 2 Hrs: 20 Mins: 28 Seconds: 33

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 567

Hey Lil,

Here is the deal....the nicodemon is putting up a real good fight this evening with you. If you CAN just get through this time--I am going to assure you that it does get better. Right now--maybe for tonight--you have to take it one minute at a time. Look at the clock--say to yourself --if I can get through the next 15 minutes --then I'll see what I need to do. You'll be amazed--you will get through this. Be good to yourself tonight--get a bath, light some candles, read a book.

The most inspirational news I can tell you is that although this is not an easy victory....,it does get better and easier with time. For me, at about 6 months I turned a corner, so to speak. The tearfulness, the wondering why I was doing this, the dreaded weight gain from the crazy eating all decreased and became almost bearable. I became able to focus a little better at work.

But, hell, Lil--I can breathe better, I don't think about the dreaded cancer diagnosis and how I would watch my kids lose their remaining parent from a self inflicted disease (just as their dad died from--a different addiction) nearly as much. I exercise faithfully & with such vigor you might think I was back in my 30's (yeah--right

). And I am slowly dealing with the emotional issues that I covered with the smoke screen for so long. And you know what--it is good thing!!!!! I dealt with alot of issues by smoking--you see they were my best-friend. It was a one-sided relationship that I am now healthy enough to be able to verbalize this & I am slowly making relationships where there is another human involved...

I can only say to you that this is probably the best thing I have ever done for myself in my 49 years.......the best....that's a huge statement. I hope you can get through these rough patches so that you can experience the life changing events that will come your way, too. Simply--you have to want to not smoke more than you want to smoke.

Lil--I am pulling for you to get through this evening & find a new day that is easier for you tomorrow..

Hugs,

Deb

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 3/1/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 270
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 8,100
Amount Saved: $1,822.50
Life Gained:
Days: 30 Hrs: 18 Mins: 14 Seconds: 14

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Fag Ash Lil,

Hang in there. Sometimes it helps to write down how you are feeling. It can also help to hear what others have to say.

Members, any advice or words of wisdom for Fag Ash Lil?

How did you make it through the tough cravings?

We're always here for you.

These feelings will pass, and you will remain smoke free

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

Wasn't going to post ... I have browsed without logging in - then I logged in and out again, browsed some more and then logged in and out and then in again.

The last few days have been difficult and it has got to the point now that if I had cigarettes here at home tonight ... I KNOW I would have smoked them. Why do I still WANT to smoke? and I really do want to smoke!!

I have done everything right - the gum, the lozenge, the patches, the water, the walking, the healthy nibbles, the rewards, reading here, posting here, and reading some more ... I am now almost 40 days in and I don't think I can do this.

I think about smoking nearly all the time - this I find VERY irritating ... I feel that okay ... I might have actually stopped smoking ... but now .... my every waking thought is consumed with smoking .. not smoking .. guilt .. worry .. cravings ..NRT's .. watching other people smoking on TV, in the street, in their car etc. etc. etc. I just want to be NORMAL.

I have even given consideration to becoming a 'secret' smoker and then that way I wont be letting anybody down - not even myself ... cos I WANT to smoke. I really have tried to be good - I have tried to do things properly - I have hung in there - but now I am totally exhausted with it all ... the mental torture of each day is grinding me down.

WHY does smoking have to be bad for you?????????

Don't really know why I am posting - you can do nothing to help unless you can crawl inside my head and fix the broken bit. I am exhausted - I am alone - I am very upset, disillusioned and disappointed in myself ... I want help but I don't want help if you know what I mean?? ... I don't want to hear about PMA and I dont want to look at my stats. I don't believe in God and I don't believe in prayer ... I don't want to do this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I am sorry if y'all are angered or offended by anything I have said ... but right now I am struggling like you wouldn't believe ...

Lil

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 10/19/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 38
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 570
Amount Saved: �168.15
Life Gained:
Days: 3 Hrs: 11 Mins: 7 Seconds: 33

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