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Trying to Remember What I Knew

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 126

Bgaines,

I think I can say the same, I always knew it wasn't good for me, but did not realize how addictive it was.

But somewhere along the line, I started to know how addictive it was, even though I fought like crazy to deny it.

For me, it was more facing the fact that I WAS in fact an addict.

I tried to quit, didn't last very long., ok so I'll just cut down first. I became stressed out about how much I was smoking, so I vowed not to smoke but every 3 hours or so. 30 minutes later, I was lighting up and beating the crap out of myself for doing it, but it didn't stop me from lighting up! I guess it was then that the addiction thing just smacked me in the face.

I love the part about choosing to "manage the quit". It puts the power back in your court, back in your control.

You are stronger than the addiction, 24 days has proven that.

we CAN and WILL do this!

Theresa

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 6/9/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 18
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 306
Amount Saved: $61.20
Life Gained:
Days: 2 Hrs: 4 Mins: 1 Seconds: 52

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 377

I think the number one lesson of smoking is we never started it because it was so relaxing, or tasting good. Most people remember the first one as pretty awful and done mostly under pressure from another person or group unaware of the addiction. The fact that you tried to quit only after a month of starting and now finally quiting again after all this time shows to how addictive it really is. The good news is that once you get off of the drug it's not nearly as addictive as when you are the smoker. The big test for most people is that it starts to feel easy to be a quitter. Then under certain stressful situations sometimes there still is that voice that wonders if I take just one hit or just smoke one cigarette what would it be like now. Or thinking that taking one again would not be a setback since we have been quit for XYZ time frame. If you then act on that faulty logic you then will probably give in a try one then after saying to yourself that it is indeed lousy tasting and not worth having. You then say yep I'm still that non smoker and staying there only to find that in an odd way the body of an ex smoker has a memory about nicotine that never went away. That memory will turn on like a light switch and it will surprise you how fast you will return to be a smoker before you know it. One thing I think is valuable for all of us is to work on our issues that we never dealt with when we were smokers. I know when I started up again after quitting was I was very unhappy with my job and I didn't feel worthy inside. I thought I was missing something and instead of getting help or working on my issues I became vulnerable to that one cigarette again. I happen to befriend a smoker who became the vehicle to give me that one when I thought one would never get me back to smoking. The bottom line is I think if we can address our issues as they come along and realize that we can recover from any issues that come our way, we will stay away from the idea that smoking any cigarette is ever going to solve our problems. It never did when we started and it's a fantasy to think it ever will again.

Ron

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 6/17/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 9
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 162
Amount Saved: $40.50
Life Gained:
Days: 1 Hrs: 11 Mins: 23 Seconds: 35

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 107

Thank you for your post bgaines! I agree with you.

And I LOVE the Serenity Prayer!

Jen

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 5/5/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 52
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,040
Amount Saved: $260.00
Life Gained:
Days: 4 Hrs: 9 Mins: 21 Seconds: 12

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1151

bgaineshunter,

It's a pretty scary realization that we were truly slaves to our addictions, but a necessary step in seeing things clearly. It will help during those times when your mind wants to romanticize smoking and make you think of the "good" times. Once we come to terms with the fact that nicotine was quietly and slowly killing us we can see it for what it really is.

You are doing great, keep taking it one day or hour at a time.

All the best

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 8/5/2004
Smoke-Free Days: 1421
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 28,420
Amount Saved: $6,394.50
Life Gained:
Days: 110 Hrs: 18 Mins: 56 Seconds: 11

Quit Meter

$38,317.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 662 Hours: 16

Minutes: 24 Seconds: 59

Life Gained
Quit Meter

5895

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

76,635

Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 136

bgh...on tough days, re-read this post as many times as you have to. Congratulations on 24 days! Have you been rewarding yourself?

Rusty

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/13/2004
Smoke-Free Days: 1291
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 65,841
Amount Saved: $14,814.23
Life Gained:
Days: 115 Hrs: 4 Mins: 10 Seconds: 31

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Bgaines,

Thanks for your honesty. We do come to many realization when we quit and it keeps us motivated to stay quit and continue on the right path. What so you remember?

Josie, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1904

As I walked home after going out for dinner, I reminded myself of why I never want to smoke again: I can't control it... I started thinking about the fact that I never could. During the first ten years, I just accepted the fact that I smoked a half of pack a day, and then later I accepted the fact that I smoked a pack a day. What I didn't accept was smoking a pack and a half to two packs a day. Before I found myself doing that I'd wondered how anyone did that. Frankly, feeling the need to have a cigarette lit at all times in really stressful. And that's what I started noticing a couple of years ago: smoking was stressing me out, and I was smoking more because I was stressed out about smoking.

I've said the Serenity Prayer. I'm accepting that I can not change how much I smoke. I accepting that I have "control" or considerable influence when it comes to not smoking. So what I know is that I'm able to manage my quit much more than I can control smoking. I choose to manage the quit.

It seems like I've known all of my life that smoking kills. What I don't believe I knew back then is that smoking is addictive. I can't recall anyone calling it addictive, and I'm not so sure that I would have understood what addictive meant even if someone had told me. I think I'm still understanding what addictive means. I remember trying to quit smoking within a month of when I first started. I tore the cigarettes up and put them in the trash. 30 minutes later I was going through the trash to recover them. I smoked what I could of them.

So while it's true that I've always known that smoking kills, I haven't always known that it's addictive.

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 6/1/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 24
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 840
Amount Saved: $306.60
Life Gained:
Days: 2 Hrs: 15 Mins: 7 Seconds: 9

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Trying to Remember What I Knew