Have you ever thought about the way you felt when you smoked and compare it to the way you feel about smoking now? Me, the one who went from thinking "I could NEVER live a normal life without my smokes" now thinks, Wow, I can't believe I did that to myself. I can't believe I put all that into my body on a regular basis for 26 years and I can only hope and pray that I have escaped the damages that they do. When I smoked, I often wondered how people dealt with stress without a cigarette or where do non smokers get their feelings of accomplishment if they can't enjoy a cigarette after completing a task, much less easing the task along by taking frequent smoke breaks. It's a wonder I got anything accomplished! You know, that sense of contentment you get from a smoke. I remember at one point during a half hearted attempt to quit, and failing of course, I secretly decided that I would be a forever smoker simply because I was tired of being a failure at this. I felt that I was going to be one of those that simply could not quit and accepted the fact that that would more than likely be my demise, eventhough my husband wanted my promise to him that I would never give up trying. They continued to be an issue, continued to make me feel terrible, not only mentally, but physically as well. The times I would become sick to my stomach, weak, dizzy, my heart would race, and I would get palpitations, and break out into a cold sweat just from smoking a cigarette. Sometimes I would literally lose my balance from smoking a cigarette, and I looked just like a drunk person and I know that is what alot of people thought when they saw me, especially when I would smoke just before entering a public place. I would get all these stares from people and my husband would tell me I was staggering real bad. I simply could not hold my balance straight. I realize this is NOT normal even for a regular smoker. At least I have not heard of this happening to anyone else. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! The absolute worst would be after it got dark. For some reason, the darkness mixed with smoking would seriously alter my sense of balance. How weird is that? Does anyone know what that is about? Mods?
I am SO glad I was finally able to stop this nonsense. Smoking is a dangerous thing. It affects every part of your body, even your self esteem. It takes work to get over the devastation that cigarettes does to you, how it affects your thinking, your health, and your loved ones. I still worry about the possiblilty that it may have caused something that I am not even aware of yet. That scares me now.
Now my thinking is no longer misguided by cigarette poison. We all have to start at the beginning and that is to take it one day at a time and that is how we maintain it indefinitely.
Carry on, fellow quitters. Let's continue taking back our lives. We don't have to be slaves to cigarettes anymore.
