How to Quit Smoking in Six Easy Steps

STEP 1: HUMBLE YOURSELF. Your addiction to cigarettes is a beast about the size of Godzilla. Stockpile all the ammunition you can get your hands on ahead of your quit date. If a pacifier is what works for you, swallow your pride and keep on suckin', brother!

STEP 2: THINK ROCKY BALBOA. During the first week of your quit, that Godzilla of addiction is going to twist your innards, pound your head, fray your nerves and stomp you into the ground. Remember Rocky: face bruised and bloody, eye swollen shut, slumped against the ropes. Rocky prevailed in the end because, when things were looking bleakest, he did one simple thing: HE REFUSED TO FALL DOWN.

STEP 3: NO, REALLY, IT IS YOU.  Even if you normally have the disposition of Mother Teresa, during weeks one through four of the quit you will discover the Hitler hiding under your habit. You will find that even the smallest of offenses warrants your full wrath. You will be tempted to give cashiers, employers, and discourteous bus passengers a piece of your mind. Don't. Actually, a piece of your mind is not worth much at this point. You are an irrational boob. Bite your tongue. It will save you countless apologies and, possibly, a lawsuit down the pike.

STEP 4: HEY, STUPID! YES, YOU.  Between week one through, oh, maybe week twelve, you will have the i.q. of a rutabaga.  You will forget things. You will be clumsy.  With the exception of performing household chores at 3 a.m. to combat insomnia, you will accomplish almost nothing of significance.  This is temporary. However, if you have a safety sensitive job (i.e., nuclear reactor operator, air traffic controller,), you may want to consider taking a few days off.

STEP 5: GET OVER YOUR PITIFUL, LITTLE SELF.  During the course of the quit, you will suffer from the blues, the blahs, the bleaks and rock bottoms. The best cure for those conditions is right here on the SSC.  Find someone in worse shape than you and extend your hand. Find someone just getting ready to quit and share your experience.     Find someone who's discouraged and offer hope.  Find someone who's feeling down and offer humor.  You may find that sharing your wisdom helps you discover insight for yourself.  Besides, it feels good after weeks of being a rutabaga.

STEP 6: IF YOU FALL DOWN, DON'T JUST LIE THERE.  This is one of the few times in your life when failure actually looks good on your resume.  Failure teaches you where you're vulnerable.  Failure teaches you how deceptive addiction can be.  Failure shows you where the booby traps are.  Don't lament your failure.  Use it as a stepping stone to freedom.