Kev,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. It is quite possible that smoking has been masking an underlying chemical problem, and that you have been essentially self-medicating. It would be good to try and find an alternative non-smoking (non-fatal) solution to the depression, though.
Please do read Leslie's post "The Big Cover Up" about ADD/ADHD. I am not sure whether it applies to you, but you might want to think about seeking some medical advice. I know you do not like your doctor - can you find one who is more sympathetic? It might be worth paying to see someone privately if you cannot got anywhere on the NHS. I don't mean some quack, but someone properly qualified who has an interest in depression.
I'd also be a bit cautious about labels ('learned helplessness'). Labels can be self-fulfilling, if you are not careful. If you are depressed, this would explain why you feel helpless.
Oh, and the pill swallowing issue - you can crush tablets to a powder with a pestle and mortar or back of a spoon. Alternatively, you could try the method that works with my dog!! I take a slice of squashy cheese (e.g. Brie, Cambenbert), and embed the pill - then eat the cheese (cheesy biscuit optional).
Anyway, see how things go with the CBT. You can do this in addition to looking at other options.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Lizzie :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/23/2003
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1759
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 26,385
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �6,596.25
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 180 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6
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$9,166.50
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 810
Hours: 23
Minutes: 25
Seconds: 1
Life Gained
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6111
Smoke Free Days
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36,666
Cigarettes Not Smoked